A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Guys I am feeling horrible at the moment. I just talk bad about my good friend. Ok maybe I should let you guys know a bit of what happen before seeking for your advice.About one month ago, my boyfriend and my good friend (A) and me plus another guy (4 of us) went to holiday together. My boyfriend helped all of us pay for our flight and accomodation first and my guy friend and I had paid him back except for my good friend Miss A.It had been one month since our trip ended, and she still havent pay my boyfriend yet and my boyfriend has ask him for a few times and she just said "ok"...So I helped my boyfriend by asking her when is she going to pay him and she just said she will ask her brother for money.... The problem is my boyfriend is not in need of money but this act has hurt our friendship as I realised that I have been gossiping behind her back with our common friends.They think that she is not right as she always go to holiday at the expense on her family or others. And we have no obligations to help her pay up this lump sum of money.I am so tired of being sandwiched between my boyfriend and good friend. I had a quarrel with my boyfriend because he blamed me for tempting my friend to go for this holiday trip knowing that she may not be able to afford it. But how would I know that she will owe him money? I am sick and tired of money issues....Now I feel really confused and just want to solve this problem asap.
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male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (29 September 2010):
 Good choice. Make sure your BF knows you are continuing to try so he can kind of drop it for now. No need for him to keep pushing you if he doesn't have to. Playing bill collector will put enough strain on your friendship with A as is, no need to stress out your relationship with your BF too.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think I will choose option number 1. Because I am trying to be objective in the sense that i will look at the issue instead of her being my good friend. As I feel that she is in the wrong this time round. Siding her won't make matters easier but may worsens the situation in the long run.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (28 September 2010):
Yup, situations like this suck bad. My best friend is like that too. He'll accept an invitation and promise to pay and then never do it. He's racked up thousands in IOU's to friends over the years. I love him like a brother but I will NEVER take an IOU from him again. Cash or nothing. If I ever do give an advance like what you describe, I hope for the best but never expect it. That's part of the reason why I don't do it anymore.
So, what can you do? You have a couple of options.
1) You can continue to play bill collector to A. Constantly bringing it up until she either breaks off all contact or pays what she owes.
2) You can pay her part yourself to your BF and then tell her you paid it off and that she owes you for the trip now.
3) You can remove yourself from the picture entirely. Tell your BF that it was his money and it's up to him to collect. Maybe she'll listen to him but ignores you because of your friendship.
4) You can cut your losses and chalk it up to a learning experience. Then NEVER extend any kind of credit to her again.
5) You can go to her parents and tell them what she did. Explain that you've given her ever chance to make this right and you don't know what to do anymore.
6) You can cut off all ties. She was a deadbeat and from the sounds of it, she does this kind of thing often. These types usually don't get better. You can decide that what she did was enough that you don't consider her a friend anymore.
Pretty much whatever you choose will put you in a stressful situation. That is unavoidable. You just have to decide what is more important to your life and make the decision that will be best for those involved. Basically, your BF or your friend A. Who is more important to you?
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