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Stories of my wife's past have really hurt me, what can I do to get over this?

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Question - (2 July 2010) 7 Answers - (Newest, 3 July 2010)
A male India age 41-50, anonymous writes:

i m 37 yrs old male, my wife hurt me by telling her old love story, i feel really pain and i can't forget that, what can i do to over come this?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2010):

It's not an easy one.

I've been there. In fact I'm still there. But the main thing we have to remember is that she chose you. At times it will seem like she is still in love with the other guy. but if she is, then why is she with you not him?

Ultimately you just have to trust her.

Good luck.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2010):

If she confided this in you it sounds like she loves and trusts you a lot and as she is presumably not with the person now but with you instead, she thinks more of you.

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A female reader, kitty-cat=] United States +, writes (2 July 2010):

kitty-cat=] agony auntthink of it this way, after a love like that she picked YOU. your love is stronger than the guy before you! think of her telling you that as a sign she she fells nothing can tear you two apart :)

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A male reader, olderthandirt United States +, writes (2 July 2010):

olderthandirt agony auntBeen thee/done that... I had to just block it all out. It's always going to be there in the back of your mind but it just isn't worth fretting over or you'll drive yourself nuts. Try to remember no matter what happened with others she finally chose you so you must be better than he or they were. Just Breathe

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A male reader, Yos Netherlands +, writes (2 July 2010):

Yos agony auntThis is a very common issue that we see here.

I suggest searching this site by using this link:

http://www.google.com/search?q=site:dearcupid.org+her+past

I also answer frequently on this topic, you can look through my answer history too.

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A male reader, Dr.LanceMerryweather United Kingdom +, writes (2 July 2010):

Dr.LanceMerryweather agony auntI don't know why she felt the need to disclose this - did you pressurise her into it? Otherwise it makes no sense for her to jeopardise your relationship, knowing how hurtful this disclosure would be to you. She is obviously a woman without feelings and you must now be wondering if you made the right choice in her. I would take a break from eachother and reconsider your future together.

Good luck.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2010):

As Rescuer said, you are not alone. For some reason, males have a tendency to value the past of their female partner. The hardship is no matter how over the past is, you can't get through the weight it bears on your mind.

I think a great first step is to quietly ask yourself what is in your past that is a story of what you thought was love and it stole your heart away, and you were so caught up in it physically and emotionally. Think about your history, and ask yourself why you did it. Then ask yourself if it is possible you and your wife are really not that different about navigating through early attraction and previous loves.

If you don't have a similar story in your history, ask yourself about any sexual and/or love-like relationships in your past; what made you start it, stay in, and why do you not have that today. I think those answers may produce a legitimate reasoning for why she and you have pasts, and perhaps, why you chose each other today.

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