A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my partner for just over four years. A year into the relationship, he cheated on me. I found out a week later and kicked him out and he then spent four months in a relationship with this other woman. All the while he was texting and calling me, begging for forgivness so eventually we did decide to give it another go. Now when he cheated, he was only 21, very immature and a totally different person to the one he is now. He has really grown up and I have regained all of my trust in him, we have even since had a baby daughter together. The problem I've got is when we first got back together, he told me (on my request) all about what had happened with this other woman and I accepted it and moved on. But over the last year and even more so over the last few months, I can think of nothing but him and her together. Every time he touches me, I push him away as all I can think of is him touching her and what they would have been doing together. It makes me feel sick. It doesnt help that I have very low self esteem and this girl is much more attractive than I am and has a fantastic body - she is actually a model now and everywhere we go we seem to see her.I do love my partner and so want to be with him but this is driving a massive wedge between us. I dont want my daughter to be affected by it either. How can I stop thinking about them together? I keep replaying the night over in my mind in explicit detail and it makes me want to scream. I feel like I absolutely hate him when I think about it but I know I dont. I love him so much and he has changed so much since then but thinking about them together all the time is making me ill.Any advice is much appreciated
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2009): i have quite a smilar problem. i still think what would have or did happen and is it happening again, is there another girl again or ... but most of it is me being paranoid because what we faced was betrayal even if we say we forgive we still feel broken.I still feel like this but im not willing to give hope so the best advice i can give is if you love him try to work past it. Maybe try talking to him about your concerns or let him be aware of your feelings so he knows your not deliberitly pushing him away bacuse that is what will end up happening beacsue he will feel less conected and with a daughter you wouldnt want that to affect her and i understand that. So try to think of your happy moments and move past .. best wishes jay
A
female
reader, miss sweetheart  +, writes (2 February 2009):
I agree with what the others have said. You are amazing for forgiving him. I couldn't forgive my ex even if h wanted to get back together.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (31 January 2009):
 What you're doing is what we call "mental masturbation". You keep replaying these images, so in fact you keep punishing yourself for giving him another chance, and punishing him for doing what you decided to forgive him for in the first place. Does it really matter what she looks like, or what her bodies like. She can't be as great as you believe she is, if he's with you.
You're in love with him, but you're pushing him away. How long do you believe this will remain acceptable? He cheated, you forgave him, now it's time for you to enjoy the time you spend together. The more time you stay in the past, the more quality time you're going to loose. If this continues you may want to set up a therapy session to help you overcome this past event.
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