A
male
age
36-40,
*martinez31
writes:I've been with this girl for almost 5 years with a couple minor breaks here and there. Over the past year we've grown comfortable and eventually both grew uninterested. I have had a bad habit of lying (things about finances or errands not done) and that broke the camel's back when it came to the break. I don't want to be that guy who does that anymore so I am working on myself to become a better person. I also had issues being open with my emotions and lovey because she was my first real relationship and I didn't come from a background that I learned those things. We have two kids together and i've virtually adopted her daughter from a previous relationship as my own. She is dating someone now and its only been a month and a half since the break. She has been with him for a month now and says in her heart she can't trust me anymore and she is really happy with her new guy. We tried to be friends but she says I am too attached and take her generousity as more then it is. I honestly can say I want her back and I want to be the guy who shows her my emotions through feelings and not with the material things. Should I fight for her back, let her do her own thing and wait, or am I chasing lost hope? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (22 April 2008):
 If I were you I would send her a letter explaining to her the way you explained here in your question. Let her know you're making positive changes about yourself and not being from an emotional tactile background found it difficult to express your emotions. Explain how you feel in the letter and tell her looking back now, splitting up was the sorriest thing you ever done. You miss her AND the kids and hope someday she'll look back and feel the same.
If she does still have feelings for you then this letter should strike a chord with her and she'll get in touch with you. Don't mention the man she's seeing or pull him down in any way as she'll back him up and you'll send her running off in the other direction.
Good luck.
~Eve~
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