A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I was in a relationship with a guy for about 18 months. In all that time we just kept splitting up and getting back together because he never knew what he really wanted. We have always stayed in touch with each other, and have known each other 3 years now. We sometimes still even see each other, but when we do, all he seems interested in is sex, and not any sort of commitment to me.Recently, we have spoke to each other a lot on the phone but I'm still getting mixed messages from him.I had a row with him and told him that he just has sex with me and it's just like we're sex partners, and that's not what I want.He replied that he does not mean it to look like that, and that he loves me.He has a lot of emotional baggage, and has never been loved by anyone, not even his parents, so does that explain why he acts the way he does? Is it possible that because he has never been loved, he dosen't know how to love, and show it too?Sometimes, I think he really does have feelings for me and sometimes I don't. I'm just so confused.I'm due to see him again next month, he usually comes to visit his family, but pops round to mine at times.I'm wondering, if I tell him that I don't just want sex with him and I want to know where I stand, if this will work.He never likes to open up or talk about his feelings, but I really need him to. It seems when people try to get close to him, he backs off.Thing is, I still love him, but he just messes me about because he is unsure himself of what he wants.I've told myself that this time, I will not have sex with him, even though when I usually see him, common sense goes out of the window and it happens anyway, but I don't want it to.I want to find out where we are going, if we stand a chance or if as far as he's concerned, it will always be a sexual thing between us.I want to find out, even if we don't get back together, I just need to know what's on his mind, and if we have a potential relationship at all.Please help somebody, thanks
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female
reader, StarNews +, writes (17 January 2006):
 You have the right to know what he wants from the relationship. You have even more of a right to voice your opinion and tell him what you want and need. You said he is not good at telling you what he is thinking. You are fulfilling his every need, so I doubt he has much to think about. You sound like a caring, loving person who is starving for his love, time and attention and he is taking advantage of that fact. You deserved to be treated better than this. Tell yourself that everyday.
I dont feel that he acts this way because he has never been loved before. I do think he feels the world evolves around him. He is making you feel unhappy, and unfulfilled. For whatever reason he is neglecting you and the relationship, remember, it is not your problem. It is his and he needs to deal with it.
It is time for you to put your foot down and tell him what your expectations and needs are from a relationship. If his needs are not the same, and he isnt willing to work on it with you, then move on. Dont be afraid of losing him in the process. He is the one losing a good thing.
A
male
reader, Mr.Ed +, writes (17 January 2006):
 I think everyone has a right to know where they stand; especially if they have been in a relationship for a long period of time. Don't expect too much if he does commit for he won't know how nor what to do. I definately think your on the right track with asking though. As for withholding sex when he comes back; if your NOT getting anything from the sex then definately withhold it, but don't give up your own pleasures for a answer from someone who has trouble establishing his affection. This may be the best it get's and until you break it off permanently then it's not harming you. Emotionally, we all would like to know where we stand after one year of a relationship, you sound like you've been in this relationship allot longer than that. Take your time and get your answer, just be careful of his past, by being pushy.
Good luck hun!
Ed
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