A
female
age
30-35,
*emonyliz
writes:I have been sleeping with the guy that I am dating for a few weeks now and in general it's great. The one problem is that it takes him forever to finish and sometimes even after sex for a few hours, he just can't finish. Whenever he does finish it's through oral and while I have no issue doing that, sometimes I am too tired after a marathon night in bed to go down on him and/or sometimes after going down on him for a very long time he still can't finish. It also concerns me for the future and times when we don't have all night, or if (in the VERY distant future) I ever wanted to have the option of having children. I know he is very sensitive about the issue and so I try not to bring it up or make a big deal about it. He always seems to enjoy traditional intercourse and he stays hard throughout and seems close, oftentimes, but he just doesn't finish. I can't figure out what the problem is and/or if there is a solution.How to I breach this issue with him and/or any tips on how to solve this problem? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, lemonyliz +, writes (19 February 2011):
lemonyliz is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI really don't see him as the drug-using type, but I guess I will keep an eye out. I have been trying to set clear standards on when I am and am not willing to have sex based on my energy level, or telling him that we have to go to sleep by such and such a time. Conversely, I am trying to set aside a large chunk of time on days off so that we can try and see what works for him.
I really don't want to break up with him, because I really like him but I am having second thoughts :/
A
female
reader, lemonyliz +, writes (16 February 2011):
lemonyliz is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe is circumcised so maybe that could have something to do with it? He is 30 though, not in his early twenties, I know everyone is different, but it's gotten to the point of me not wanting to have sex with him because after getting up at 5 am every morning for work and then off to classes for several hours, plus the commuting etc. by the time I see him I am just too tired. I mean, 4 hours of sex starting at 11 pm is sex until 3 am and even that doesn't seem to be long enough for him, and I have to wake up 2 hours later. On my days off it's not as bad because I have more time, but even then I rarely have 4 or 5 hours to set aside for sex especially if he only comes like 65 percent of the time and then when he can't that other 35 percent of the day, it's like he is just blue balling and constantly trying to get me to sleep with him again or continue until he does. It's exhausting. I know it's not his fault, and this is the only big issue I have with him, but it's becoming a big enough issue that I am contemplating taking a break from our relationship until I have more free time. Seriously, help.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2011): Yea the above statement is pretty good, but maybe you could also try just talking to him about it...In a non sexual situation so ie not before you are just about to get intimate, and tell him you enjoy it with him...reassure him that he has nothing to worry about.
Often people will overthink it and then stop themselves from letting go because they are so worried about the other person, are they enjoying it, am I good enough etc etc. Even if it doesn't seem like it, this could be adding to his late ejaculating. He could be so worried about reaching climax that he actually can't anymore.
So maybe if you work together he can teach himself to relax and just go with the flow.
I wouldn't give up completely, I'm sure it can be improved.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (13 February 2011):
 Ok well this could be for many reasons really, is he cicumsised? As this can lose a bit of sensitivity making him last longer. Also he could have trained himself to last as long as possible and now that is why it takes him a long time. But he should not find this embarressing many men would love to be in his position. I know you are worried but if he is ejaculating then there is nothing medically wrong even if it is after a few hours. I guess it is just who he is and i dont really think there is much tips i can give on how to get him to come quicker am afraid.
I guess maybe you could spice things up and see if that helps, dress up and try different positions. Also when he is inside you squeeze your vaginal muscles so that it is tighter for him. But i guess at the end of the day it is just who he is and am afraid i dont really have any tips on how to bring it up with him because am sure he cant change it therefore am not sure if it is a good idea to say it to him.
Sorry Hunny that i couldnt help anymore.
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