A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Okay so I married my husband in 98. I was 19 he was 24. After 6 years and 2 kids I wasn't happy. We had some problems in the bedroom. I always felt like he didn't want me. I never cheated and I was a stay at home mom. My husband worked and did everything to try to make me happy. Completely loyal to me. I loved him but it just wasn't there for me. So I got a job moved out and we got a divorce. We got along really well for being divorced. We would still do birthday parties together and do things with the kids. Occasionally in between me dating other men I would jump back in bed with him. I knew it was wrong because he loved me so much. He dated 2 girls in those 4 years. Started getting serious with one but apparently she was still married and went back to her husband. I went 4 years of being single and dating guys that pretty much treated me like crap. Jan 2009 I got back with him. We were really happy for a while. I got pregnant right away and we had our 3rd child. She is turning a year old. Now i feel like i'm right back where I started and I've told him how I feel. I just feel like something is missing. I work full time and I love my job so i'm not unhappy there. It is different than before I know he wants me I know he loves me but it's like I need something else. Now I'm the one turning him down in the bedroom. He told me this morning that he would let me sleep with other guys if that made me happy. I don't know what to do. I don't know if that would make me happy.
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female
reader, SillyB +, writes (11 September 2010):
 Okay the one constant in this whole situation is you. The environment, the men, the relationships change; but you're still not happy. Maybe it has nothing to do with the relationships you are in. Sounds like you have a great man, a loyal and loving man. From experience you should know by know that those fireworks just don't exist with anyone and if they do, only for a short while. Then the mundane sets in and its back to reality. You don't have to be head over heels in love with someone to have a happy life you know. Find other things that make you happy and satisfied. More education, friends, hobbies, travel...something. Time to do some soul searching, time to be a little less selfish and think about whats best for your kids and its time to respect and love this good man you were fortunate to have.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2010): You need to seek counseling...that is my first reaction. You have parented 3 kids with this guy, but you have sexual needs that arent being fulfilled. That CAN be overcome if he loves you. Having outside sexual flings isn't going to bring you guys closer, and it is VERY troblesome he is offering that as an option. It screams that he doesnt want you. You guys sound like a FWB couple that ironically doesnt have great sex, and you are trying to play mommie and daddie instead. There are 3 components here, you 2, the kids and the sex, that all have to be pulled together to make this work. Seek counseling.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (11 September 2010):
 You never get to find out what's missing because before you could, you got pregnant again. That missing something is not in your husband, not in your kids. They are not in other guys you want to sleep with. You never had the chance to find out who turns you on, who would make you happy. Maybe you were never happy to begin with. I think you should focus on yourself, do some soul searching. Working is definitely a good start. As you feel ready for a relationship, you will find out there are more kinds of men than just providers and users.
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