A
female
age
16-17,
anonymous
writes:I'm 17, and i've just found out i'm pregnant. I really can't understand how, as I was on the pill, and even the doctor said it just doesn't add up. But after not having my bleed after day 21, I knew there must be something wrong, and so took 3 pregnancy tests (all positive). And now I havn't got a clue what to do! My boyfriend said he'll be supportive of whatever decision I make, but he'd rather I didn't get rid of it - he's 19, so I suppose it's not as bad for him. But I just really don't know what to do! I've got high moral objections against abortion, but I can't help but think about it in my mind. I know you guys can't make a decision for me, but a little bit of help and support would go a long way!
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abortion, pregnancy test, the pill Reply to this Question |
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2009): Just to let you all know, i've decided i'm going to keep the baby. It may not seem the wisest decision to have made with regards to my age and situation, but I just followed what my heart told me to do. There's not one part of me that wanted to get rid of it. I understand that my life is going to dramatically change, and that i'm going to miss out on a lot of things, for example my education, my friend's 18th birthdays (including my own), clubbing etc etc, but I figured that a life is more important than any of these things, and I should see it as a gift, not a burden. I'm willing to put my all into trying to be a good mum to this baby, and I really hope I can be despite my age. Thank you all for your support, it really did help :)
A
male
reader, Who  +, writes (26 April 2009):
 Great advice listed below.
All I can suggest is maybe seeing the movie "Juno", now on DVD. Keep in mind the movie is fiction, and it has a Hollywood happy ending. But hopfuly it can give you a littie inspriation in your difficult time.
Do look at the real life stories on www.standupgirl.com as well.
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A
female
reader, malteser +, writes (26 April 2009):
 You need to decide whats best for you. Your boyfriend may say that he is going to support you and be with you but is he going to feel the same way in a few months time when the baby is here? I feel sorry for you becayse i was in the same sort of situation when i got pregnant only my boyfriend made me get rid of it. It was the biggest saddest thing i have ever done i still think about it every day. But there are so many things that you need to think about, can you cope? would you have the support that you want and need? Ask yourself this question do i want to be a mum at 17? do you have this feeling of no i dont want to, Only you can make this decision no one else, think about what it is that you want just you not your mum, dad, boyfriend what you want then you will get the answer you need. I hope that you can get the help you need and want i found brook advisiory centre helpful for listening and helping
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A
female
reader, xxkissxx +, writes (25 April 2009):
hi there,
at least you have your boyfriend behind you
if you dont believe in abortions then there are other options like putting it up for adoption but hunni you need to speak to your parents and some one that can go through all the options with you,
dont rush in to any decisions because by the time you have the baby you may be used to the idea of becoming a mother, you are young but if you really want it then you can make it work
hope this helps xx
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A
female
reader, Annalisa +, writes (22 April 2009):
 Abortion isn't the only way out, so if you don't like the idea, calm down and think hard.
Unfortunately contraception can be deceptive, because most people think it's 100% reliable and actually it isn't, it's about 96 or 98%... You just happened to be in the small percentage of cases where it didn't work.
I encourage you to talk to your family and find out how supportive they are likely to be.
Push come to shove, you can always give the baby up for adoption or fostering, depending on whether you'd like to be involved in his/her life or not.
One thing I could say is that being a parent is never easy. Whether age makes it harder depends entirely on your attitude and on chance... I mean, I had my first child at 29 and my husband had just lost his job, so in comparison, if I'd been 17 and lived with my parents, things would have been less stressful!
All you can do really is to do the best you can, think about what you want, see what support would be available and go with your heart :-)
God bless you and good luck. I'll be praying for you :-)
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A
female
reader, icelordess + ♥, writes (22 April 2009):
 Oh sweetie..I really do feel for you..sounds like you did everything right..and still things went wrong..Ok..so now you have to figure out what to do..As the other posters have said..its best to make a decision early if you chose to terminate. I got pregnant at 19, married, and had a baby..I knew even as I was doing it that I wasn't ready, the marriage was going to fail..but I couldn't bring myself to have an abortion. The marriage did fail 2 years later, but I had a beautiful daughter, now 27. At 24, I had gotten remarried, and now had 2 children..found out I was pregnant (like you..we did everything the right way..but I still got pregnant!)..we chose to have an abortion..we just couldn't see being able to support a 3rd child..I did it VERY early..(7th week)..I was very very frightened, and didn't really want to do it, but my husband was SO against having another child...it was the most painful thing I have ever done (emotionally)..but if I had to do it over again, sadly I'd probably do the same thing.
Just be informed of all your options ok? Don't let ANYONE influence you..do what your heart tells you ok? You CAN have this baby, and be a good mother, but I'm sure you realize how much your life will change. You are so very young dear..believe me, I was 2 years older than you, and I was TOTALLY unprepared for a baby..marriage..thank God I had a very supportive family..the father of the baby turned out to be a real loser..I would up raising my daughter alone until I remarried.
Think things over very carefully sweetie..what do YOU want? what can YOU live with? Some woman go into extreme depression from abortions, others just accept that it was what they had to do, and put it in the past.
There is also the option of adoption..don't forget..talk to you boyfriend, your family..
At the risk of possibly offending others...I would suggest abortion might be the best answer for you being so young..because I have been on BOTH sides of the coin..
Take care of yourself dear. I know this is a very stressful time for you. I'm sure you'll do what is the right thing in the end ok? Please let us know how you are ok?
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A
female
reader, k_c100 + ♥, writes (22 April 2009):
 I'm sorry to hear about your situation, it seems that you are just one of the unlucky ones where the pill fails.
With regards to your decision, at the end of the day it is your decision. While your boyfriend should have a say, it is your body and therefore your decision.
What makes you against abortion? And how do you feel about giving the baby up for adoption? In my opinion abortions are fine as long as they are done as early as possible (less pain and less traumatic for you). The sooner an abortion can be done, the less developed the baby is. If I was in your situation I would have an abortion, I remember being 17 and I know I was not at all ready for a baby, I didnt have the financial stability nor the maturity to be able to be responsible for another life.
But that is just me - if your boyfriend has a job, and your parents are willing to help you out then maybe you could support a baby. It just depends on whether you feel emotionally ready for a child. You need to remember that this little life will be dependent on you for the next 18+ years, and you wont be able to fufil many of your dreams and ambitions because you will have to put the child first.
The way I would look at it is could I give this baby the best life possible right now? Or would I be bringing a baby into a world that is not ready for it and full of hardships along the way? Personally even now at 21 I still couldnt have a baby because there is so much in my life that I want to do before I become a mother.
But then again you will get so much from being a mum, you will have so many amazing experiences with your child. If you are really against abortion then how about adoption? If you think you are strong enough mentally to go through the birth and be able to give that child away then maybe this is something you should think about. You would be giving that baby a better life than you could give it, and you would be making 2 people incredibly happy. But you would have to live your life knowing that your child is out there somewhere - that would be very tough.
I know that in your situation I would have the abortion, I dont think I could have a baby without being married and financially secure - it would kill me to watch my child go without things in its life just because I cant afford to support it properly. To me it is not killing a child because the baby is not fully formed until late on in the pregnancy - the baby wont feel any pain and if you do it soon enough you could just have some tablets and its over.
This is a big decision for you and I wish you all the best. Go with what feels right in your heart, only you will know if you are ready to be a mum yet or not. Dont compromise for anyone else, and dont compromise on your beliefs. This is a decision you will have to live with for the rest of your life so make sure you are 100% behind the decision.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (22 April 2009):
 thats fair enough but like what you need to think about ho would you cope with a child?could you and your boyfriend pull together and give love and support?and how would you guys do financially.i mean if you feel you guys can cope then go for it.if not then you need to reconsider.but this choice is entirely YOURSdo not have anyone else tell you what to do YOU do what YOU feel is best for YOU and your boyfriend.best of luck hun.
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A
female
reader, cls1990 +, writes (22 April 2009):
 nobody can make this decision for you, before you make this decision research your options.
a member of my family had an abortion without knowing what she was letting herself in for...she has regretted that decision ever since.
having a baby is a big decision & you wont be on your own in making it, it sounds like you have a supportive boyfriend & thats a good start.
check out www.standupgirl.com there are many stories on there from people who have been in your position.
hope this helps & good luck with everything
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