A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey,This is an issue that has been bugging me a lot over the past few days.I met a girl at work, and we kissed on the way home. We met up a few days later, and spent pretty much all night together, kissing all the way, some I was starting off and others she would be leaning into me to kiss me.All of a sudden she says she doesn't want to lead me on, stops everything and says she'd like to be friends.I've asked her why all this happened, she said she was confused, but as I say she was also kissing into me. I really want to be friends with this girl, but it's driving me crazy that she would start something like this with me, and then decide she doesn't want anything.Plus, she thinks there probably won't be anything like that between us in the future, and I really want there to be.I don't know what to do. I want to be with this girl, but she's giving nothing but mixed signals I think.
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (27 April 2008):
 Poster, now that you have updated on your situation, it is even more clear that you have to forget about her. She wanted more but now she doesn't. That's it.
She will never be with you. Think of it this way: if she wanted you, but you didn't, would she have a chance? There's no point in insisting.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2008): When we first gt talking, we both admitted that we wanted something to happen with one another.
It feels like I've went for something that she didn't really want to happen.
She has said she was taking a break from relationships for a while anyway, saying she was 'confused' when I asked about why we kissed.
We get on really well right now, we have so many similarities it's scary, yet I still can't stop thinking about her in terms of relationship, hoping that one day we will get together.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (26 April 2008):
I agree that her kissing you repeatedly can correctly be understood as a demonstration of her interest in you. I take it that most women wouldn't kiss a man, several times, in two different days, if they didn't like him. You read those signals correctly.
However, I don't think she is giving you mixed signals. I would define "mixed signals" as first saying one thing, and then its opposite, and then the first thing she said. As, for example, in "Let's kiss - no, let's be friends - no, let's kiss again".
What she is doing is "initial acceptance - later rejection". She accepted you and your kisses at first, which clearly points in one direction, but now she is rejecting everything from you, which points in the other direction, and very clearly as well. She liked you, or she wanted to kiss you, enjoyed your company, liked the boost to her ego, whatever; but now she doesn't want anything with you. She said she wants to be "friends", but, since her behavior was not the one you would expect her to have with a friend, what that really means is "I don't want this kissing or your love interest in me to continue". Did you notice she said she doesn't want to lead you on? How would she do that, lead you on? By continuing to kiss you when she doesn't really want anything with you. She enjoyed your company those two days, but now she doesn't want it.
What now? You stay away from her, forever, and you find someone who will kiss you and mean to kiss you. Someone who will be sure of what she wants when she comes your way.
If you don't stay away from her, you'll be harassing her.
Also, I believe you should never date a person you work with. If something goes wrong, as it has in your case, your workplace becomes the battlefield. I suggest that you avoid her from now on. You want her to understand, very, very clearly, that you got her message and you're not insisting. Not only is that correct; it's also in your best interest.
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