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*irpoet
writes: I have recently met a fantastic girl. But due to a badly ending previous relationship, I have found myself running scared. I have kept the poor girl hanging on, by telling her yes, I'd like a relationship, to only break it off the next day.Through my stupidity, the girl is now understandably very mad at me. The trouble is, now I really do know that I want to be with her, but I have found myself digging myself deeper into a hole by hounding her, and telling her how I feel, which annoys her, and scares her away even more.I am terrified, that after finally finding someone after two years of being single, I've driven her away through my own cowardice.Please help!!!!!!!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2007): This happened to me. A guy I was dateing was hurt badly by his ex and he he said he wanted to move on with me etc. But because he wasnt completely healed from all the hurt I paid for it. He kept stringing me along. Finally he said he had to let me go. Which hurt and I became angry with him because of how I was done. I dont talk to him at all. I dont want to have anything to do with him at this point. Right now he is letting me have my space. Right now I couldnt be friends with him because I was hurt. Maybe later. So maybe this girl just need a little space for right now. And if you truly want her for her then try to get her back but slowly. But let her want to talk to you dont force it. And while you are waiting, work on you. Make sure you are completely healed and over your ex so you wont hurt her anymore. And make sure that she is definately what you want. Dont go after her just because it is a challenge in getting her back. Cause that doesnt work.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2005): first of all be honest with her,go for a meal in a quiet place were nobody else can hear your conversation,then explain your past relationship and the problems you had and you have learnt a valuble lesson and you are ready to move on.if this girl likes you she will understand completeley,if she wont respond to you send her flowers inviting her to a meal some where nice and i am sure she will turn up and if not,at least you have tried your best and put all you can into it,i do understand that you do want this girl in your life and it feels worthless without her,love is a crazy term alot of people use loosly,if you honestly want her then fight for to show her,wish you the best of luck,sometimes i should listen to my own advice but that never happens it always feels better hearing it from other people,good luck ,if you need to chat mail me [email address blocked]
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female
reader, jojo +, writes (16 August 2005):
Go to her and tell the truth, tell her you have been hurt in the past and that your scared of it happening again, she will probably be relieved that its something you both can work at and that its not your idea of a joke, shes thinking youre taking her for a ride while you work out if you like her. Just tell her everything, girls love their man to be honest and then at least you know the outcome could not have been any different.Honesty is the best policy.Good luck take care jojox
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female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (16 August 2005):
 I am sorry you got hurt in a previous relationship. Thing is ...that is how life is...Holding on to that hurt and carrying it to another relationship is so bad cause it never gives the new person a real chance. It is unfortunate that you were afraid of being hurt. My suggestion would be to be just honest with her. Tell her that you are afraid of being hurt again and that you like her a great deal and the mere fact of that scared you alot and basically you chickened out. Explain that you would like to redeem yourself and try to not let this get between what could possibly be a beautiful relationship if given a chance....then basically wait and see what she says..just be honest. If she really liked you in the first place..she will be willing to give it another try. This has to be done in person...flowers won't hurt either..smile
Good Luck and take care...let us know what happened okay. I love to hear love stories.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2005): I dont think anyone can ever love without fear. If you love without fear then you’re not loving with all your heart. After going through a very heartrenching breakup, you are unable to move forward without bringing along all the ‘lessons’ you learned from that whole relationship.
You are having a hard time trusting & perhaps, believing that someone could love you, again and maybe..to focused on never wanting to be a fool, again. But it's sad you built this wall of self-protection around you, only to end up, hurting yourself and this great girl. A risk-free relationship simply doesn't exist. We have to take a few chances and speculate on new people who come into our lives. You have to work out the hurt from your previous relationship before moving forward with any new love interest including this girl that you pushed away. Ask yourself, do you want to spend all your years fearing or do you want to spend them living and loving?
My best advise is give her some space-go the friendship route with her and allow her to really get to know you..just for who you are. There is a risk-she may find another guy to date as she's not obligated to you in any way. Stop hounding her, but ask her if you can be friends for now and see where this leads you. This all you can expect from her, right now. Let her get to know you real well and take it slow, day by day. But in the future, remember: truly loving and being loved by others will mean means that you are always opening yourself up to the possibly of being hurt. But that's life-one just has to accept that and make the best choices in who they love.
Good luck and take care,
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (15 August 2005):
 Okay, I think you need to calm this situation down a little. Obviously, hounding her isn't going to work but I can appreciate you don't want to lose her.
However, you need to be able to explain why you have been behaving this way.
How about writing her a letter, or an email and carefully express what has happened to you before and why you have behaved the way you have. Explain what you think about her and why you would like to get to know her better.
This will put the ball in her court and she will respond when and if she wants to. There isn't really an awful lot else you can do.
Make sure that this isn't a case of when you knew you could have her, you wanted her and now she doesn't seem so interested, you want her all the more. As humans, we often seem to want what we can't always have! Be certain that this isn't the case for you and write that letter. Then you will have to wait for her response and basically do nothing but play the waiting game I'm afraid.
Good luck.
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