A
male
age
36-40,
*NOH
writes:I have been dating my girlfriend for a year and 1/2. We live an hour apart. Generally spend weekends together and sometimes weeknights. There has been growing problems about her expressing her feelings for me. I know she loves me, I can see it in her eyes. She has difficulty saying anything like that to me. When she does, It is usually followed within a few days with lashing out at me for something silly and meaningless. She will then take back what she said earlier about loving me. I feel she has anger issues, she seems to get depressed at times. She lost a close family member 8 years ago. She says she was the most important influence on her life. She wont say much about her to me. I ask, get 1 word answers most times. When she tells me she misses her, she will cry, and get mad and lash out at me. There are so many things about our relationship that are great. I think these problems were there before I came along. She has said she has issues with expressing her feelings towards me. Why is anger the easiest one to express? I do love her. I want to be with her for the rest of my life. I believe she feels it also. I want to help her with this, but get pushed away when I try. She is the sweetest woman, but when she is lashing out at me, I cant believe the things the says. Alcohol is a factor in this also. I am sure I am not the only one to go through this. Looking for some advice.
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female
reader, crazykit666  +, writes (2 March 2009):
I think an actual space will help her realise what you mean to her and she will miss you. Make sure that you don't pester her during this time. As much as I disagree with playing games in a relationship, sometimes games can work. Play hard to get a little, let her realise what she is missing and do some running and put in some effort?
Maybe you can help me?? :S
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/am-i-just-being-a-paranoid-hormonal-idiot.html
A
male
reader, INOH +, writes (2 March 2009):
INOH is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the input. We are taking a break, not my idea. In past relationships, when there was a break, I was gone. I thought that if we could not work things out together, how would being apart do any good. I would just move on and start with someone new. This is the first time I want things to work. I dont like living in limbo and not knowing what is going on.
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A
female
reader, crazykit666 +, writes (2 March 2009):
I think maybe you should distance yourself from her for a while. Maybe take a break in the relationship and she will come running. This chase will help her tell you how she's feeling. Or just explain that her distance is killing you and you can't handle it and need a break.
That's the only thing I can think of :S x
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A
male
reader, INOH +, writes (2 March 2009):
INOH is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHow am I supposed to know what she feels and wants if she cant communicate them to me. It leaves me feeling not wanted or desired. This affects how I am to her. Not really how I feel
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): I feel like I can relate to your girlfriend alot here. I also find it extremely difficult to say how I'm feeling. I find that I get to this extreme emotion where I'm bursting to tell that person that I love them, but then this barrier comes up and I physically can't speak. When my boyfriend tells me he loves me I often react with a 'thanks' and then kiss him just to avoid the awkwardness of saying nothing.
Similarly, this seems to lead to anger issues. It's just my way of venting how I'm feeling. I think I must just assume that people always know what i'm thinking and how I'm feeling. So when someone does something to upset me, i can fly off the handle... just cuz i wonder why they would treat me like that when they know how I feel about it? If that makes sense?
I think the best way to get her to say how she's feeling is probably to back off and not let her feel claustrophobic. Allow her to know that you are there for her if she every wants to talk and then back away. Pushing for this will just cause her to clam up even more. Recently, I realised that unless my bf didn't realise what i meant to him and I risked losing him. I told him I loved him for the first time in years. Here comes my problem... think it may have been a case of too little too late? He hasn't been in touch since :(
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