A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I really fell for this girl I met online. We dont live too close by, but its not that far either. About 30-40 minute drive. We have been talking for months and we planned on getting together a few months back, but things didnt work out. Then we planned another day, and it didnt work either. Now I asked her to get together with me again, and she said not until I get my license. I am 21, and I know I should have my license by now. Its been so stupid of me not to get it, but my dad went on permanent disability when I was in high school and he has always been able to drive me and he likes getting out of the house. Plus now we only have one car and my parents are usually out. Its no excuse, and I know she wants to try and motivate me to get it, but it just makes me feel like crap. It makes me feel like such a loser that the girl I love wont even be with me cause I dont have my license. I dont understand why she was willing to before, but not now. If she wanted to motivate me, she should come here, be with me, and inspire me to get it. I am not happy with my life and there are things I want to change. I know I need to get my license and get everything on track, but I just wish she could see how much I need her and that this isnt the way to motivate me, it just makes me feel worse. I am gonna try hard to get my license, but what if she says I need something else after that? I mean I havent even driven in a while and if I took the test I would fail. I got that booklet and have been studying, and I want to renew my permit and get some more experience, but its gonna take time and I am sick of waiting to be with her. I just dont know what to do anymore.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2009): She dont like you for material reasons, she sucks
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2009): Sorry I dont have an account, but thanks for all your advice so far. I have to say that I do know this girl. She has taken pics with signs specifically for me, I have seen other profiles with her friends and they have pics with her. I know her address, where she works, her family. I hear her talking to her family on the phone, so I do know what she looks like and a lot about her at least. You might be right, I just dont get it. If she really loved me and cared about me wouldnt she want to be with me no matter what? It tears my heart apart not being with her. I just put so much time and care into her. She used to be so affectionate and flirty with me online. Now all we do is talk on the phone and its not the same at all. I dont know what to say to her or how to make her open up to me and tell me whats on her mind. I dont want to offend her or upset her, but at this point I just dont know if I can help it. I keep putting her emotions first and I need to put my own first for a change. I dont need her pressuring me like this. Thanks again everyone, I truly appreciate it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2009): Ok, listen here, you and your on line love are talking and disagreeing about topics, not the issue.
The issue is that you have been having a fantasy relationship for 5 months that exists only in cyberspace.
I know that you may have a very real connection with her, but the problem with on line relationships sometimes is that in the world of romance, they just don't pan out to be the real deal.
You don't know this girl, really. She could be married, she could be living with some dude, she could be 40 years old and 300 pounds, she could be lonely, she could be playing you dude.
She has been making excuses not to meet you in person. For goodness sake you only live a half hour away from each other and you have never met her in 5 months.....DING DING DING, do you hear the alarm bells going off?
This is not about you and you not having a driver's licencse this is about her leading you on.
I would tell her to look you up when she is ready to drive to see you, you are done playing these games.
There is something else going on here that you just don't know about. Maybe she is a dude.
I know you really think you like her and you need her. But take that energy and put it into a real live girl that you meet in the park or somewhere in your own neighborhood in walking distance if you don't have a licencse.
Then work on getting your licencse when it will make sense for you to have one, like when you think you might have a car to drive.
Good luck, hun.
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (10 October 2009):
 I didn't get my license until I was nearly 18 years old.
I was ready for the freedom, but overwhelmed by the responsibility of driving. Driving IS scary, because your life and others' lives are in your hands.
You say that you should have your license by now, and it is true that you need to be independent, but I ask you this: What has been holding you back from getting it all these years? It sounds like you feel pressured to get it so this girl will accept you. If you're not ready for your license, she should try to understand your feelings rather than put conditions on a relationship.
I've learned long ago that you can't change people, and you have to take what you can get.
If you do get your license, then get it for YOU, when you feel ready. I sense that maybe you're a little scared. It's ok to be afraid! A car is a HUGE piece of steel that travels VERY fast.
It's good to have a healthy respect for a car. Anyone who thinks a car is a toy, or that driving is an inalienable right... shouldn't be driving!
I could be wrong when I say that you're overwhelmed by the responsibility of driving. I just remember that I was afraid.
If driving overwhelms you, take little baby steps. You don't have to drive in the Daytona 500 right away. You could get the license and just use it to go to the store.
And please, NEVER talk on the phone and drive!! I bet you know that. Did you guys know that people who talk on cell phones and drive are four times more likely to crash? I actually knew a girl who was killed that way. :-(
I don't mean to scare you, I'm just saying be careful when you DO drive... and get your license for YOU. Don't change just because this girl expects you to. Love means accepting people.
Lord knows we all have imperfections, true love just accepts those as part of the package of being with the one we love.
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A
female
reader, OmShantih  +, writes (10 October 2009):
 Ok so you need the inspiration from the girl to pass your driving test however this girl is putting pressure on you to do something your not overly confident with, and that you think your going to fail, but she wont get with you until you pass even tho she knows your inlove with her???WHAT??Mate sounds to me like you could do with some time on your own, to make the changes you want to make, get your life back on track and sus out where you want to go from here! She doesnt sound very supportive to be honest and its really not going to help you get sorted having added pressue.You dont need the inspiration from her to dort your life out, you should be doing it FOR YOURSELF, BY YOURSELF. I havent passed my driving test yet due to having an injury, and I feel totally rubbish about it! So I know how you feel. never the less, get your head down, get it sorted!Be positive, change and getting things back on track is good!!:)All the best.Love and Light.
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