A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy 5 months ago and we got on very well and kept seeing each other. In the early days we went on dates regularly and things were going well for us. We are going away on holiday together in a few weeks and I have no reason to think that we aren't seeing each other exclusively.The problem is we never really talked about seeing each other exclusively it's just something that just happened. Is that a bad thing? Is this a discussion that we should have had?I find it difficult to have discussions around our expectations for this relationship without feeling like I'm stepping on his toes a bit. It seems to me he doesn't really like to have difficult conversations and I don't quite know how to approach the subjection without coming across as pushy. I've opened up to him about personal stuff also but he doesn't share anything personal with me. His life has been a lot more straightforward than mine but I think he must at least have stuff that he can open up to me about.We haven't had any arguments about stuff. We are both generally quite easy going type people but should I be concerned that in the 5months we've known each other we haven't had a fight?Any advice on how I can steer our relationship to be more open to having the more "hairy" discussions?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2015): After 5 months you should be exclusive. What kind of relationship do you have? Are you sleeping with other people,is that what it is??
5 mo thisis a very long time not to consider that you guys are exclusive. If he wants to go on like this, drop him
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (4 January 2015):
 Try something like this: "Hey, Hunchy-Bunchy, you know, we've been seeing each other for nigh on 5 months now... Do you suppose that we are "an item?"
That should start the conversation that will ferret out all the concerns and apprehensions that you have about what really IS going on between you and him...
P.S. If you and he have been intimate,... then he is in the "power" position in that ensuing conversation.... since - if he's rather insincere, and just toying with you - he will have to take control to keep YOU in control...
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 January 2015):
 It is great to have a relationship with no arguments or fighting, but only if that's because you both agree on things and have the same sort of personality. If the reason for not fighting is because one or both of you are conflict shy.. well then it is NOT good that there's not been any fights.
It does sound like you are both conflict shy. You are afraid of stepping on his toes if you were to bring up what any person wonders about in a relationship: where is this going, do we want the same things etc. You describe him as someone who likes to AVOID the serious conversations. Avoiding these conversations is not a good sign. But then again you are BOTH avoiding it, so maybe he is just afraid of stepping on your toes?
It's not always necessary to bring up the topic of exclusivity or ask about where the relationship is going. If you've had a conversation about it during the process of getting to know one another, then you will not have to ask about it later on. Example, if he told you from the start he'd like to marry and have kids, then you have a pretty good idea of what he wants long term, without having to ask him "where do you see us going". But if these things haven't been brought up, I'd question whether it's something you/him want at all, maybe you don't know what you want, and/or you are conflict shy.
If it is important to you to know where the relationship is going, or if you are at all exclusive, then you should bring it up and have the conversation with him. Honestly, if he can't handle it, then he's not cut out to be in a relationship. You shouldn't have to tip toe around whether he is exclusive or not, it's a pretty straight forward thing.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (4 January 2015):
 I would DEFINITELY have a talk about being exclusive if you two are going on vacations together.
I have been MARRIED for 17 years (together 19) and I think I can count the "arguments" on two hands - so more then 5 times, less then 10. So NOT having argued in 5 months is NOT an indication that anything is wrong. IT can be an indication that you two aren't totally being yourselves around each other yet.
You don't want to rock the boat, by bring up the exclusive thing - but you don't want to DATE a guy and NOT be exclusive. So WOMAN up and have the talk. He might PRESUME that you two already ARE exclusive, you won't know til you talk.
If you see him as a long term partner, isn't it about time that you two start being honest in your communications?
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