| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: My ex and i were together for a almost 4 years. We had a year of no contact after the break up. We have been talking for almost a year.He isn't the type to just jump back into a relationship. To him, I don't think its a switch you turn on and off so fast. He also told me he is concentrating more on paying off debt so he has been doing side jobs etc and isn't focused on having something serious right now. I'm don't want to be naive and believe he is living like a priest either though. I did confront him in mid Match and said maybe its just me you don't want and you are tring to spare my feelings and he said that's not really right because if it was he would be seeing someone or looking. And i asked if he thinks he would could have feelings for me again and want to see me and he says i think so and i never said i don't have feelings for you but for right now he can just offer friendship. He said i'm sure you wouldn't want to see each other randomly here and there. I was fine with that though because I never expected us to get back in a snap. So he said soon, let him just get his head together. I asked if he was against it and he said he wasn't.Right now it seems like its mostly me calling. He sounds like he is being sincere that maybe he just isn't ready to get back into this with me. In the meantime, I am keeping busy. Should some part of me believe him rather than just say oh its a cliche thing he told me and he is lying etc etc? I was thinking by late july i should ask him what's going on and when are we going to see each other.
View related questions:
debt, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2010): A few questions...
Did you break up with him?
Why did you guys break up?
What has changed that makes you want to get back together?
Why do you think things will work out this time?
I actually believe that he's telling the truth from what you've said... I also don't believe that you're his backup girl for what its worth. He needs time and space, just keep living your life and if he's ever ready, he'll be the one calling you. If he doesn't, then who cares, because you aren't going to put your life on hold for him.
A
female
reader, Nouvelle32  +, writes (5 June 2010):
How old are you two? I feel for you, I really do because I am going thru the same exact thing right now except me and my ex have been split for only one month with no contact. We lived together and he moved out. Every day is a struggle. I just love him so much and feel like he's the one. I hate being without him. There's no way of knowing how it will work out other than if it's meant to be, then it's meant to be. All you can do is live your life and if you find someone else in the meantime, see where it goes... don't just wait around. I think it's crappy & I don't know how people can flip a switch on and off as it's not so easy for me... I guess it's not so easy for you either.. But it was easy for them. Maybe that says something about their character? What kind of person turns their love on and off to avoid dealing with it? I don't know. All I know is that I miss him and I don't want to spend my life without him.. but if that's what happens, then there is nothing that you can do except pick up the pieces and move on.
...............................
A
male
reader, d2001d +, writes (5 June 2010):
Sorry, but he is just not that into you. He likes having you as a backup plan, but that is all. The only way this is going to ever work out for you is you stop chasing him and turn the tables on him. Men want what they can't have, and right now he's essentially got you. You'd better plan to show up at a party you know he's attending with a date. Then you'll see if this is ever going to happen or not.
Otherwise, it is not.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2010): Why are you asking this guy if he will ever have feelings for you again? You don't ever ask a man that question. If he feels for you, he will tell you, if he wants a relationship with you, he will ask you...plain and simple. Stop asking questions about feelings and relationships because, in his mind it only makes you appear to be desperate and it will open up the flood gates for you to be taken advantage of.
...............................
A
male
reader, jonathan314 +, writes (5 June 2010):
My two cents is that you need to question why you want to get back together with him. In my personal experience a reunion after a breakup is something WORSE than the initial death of the relationship. If he isn't pursuing you, why would you want to be with him? He needs to show he cares and wants you and you shouldn't get back together with him because of convenience or old feelings, especially if they aren't there in the present with both of you.
...............................
|
