A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:*Op's own title*I am a 30yrs old, financially independent woman. I have been married for 3 years. Our marriage has been very tough from the start coz my husband's mother has been a very interfering and obsessive mother. Being the only child, my hubby felt obligated to help his mom get accustomed to the idea of her sonny being married now.So all the initial years of our marriage were spent in he fighting with her, he and me fighting with each other and me trying to offer solutions to solve his mom's problems (which i now realize was very silly).Coz of all these troubles we had an absolute sexless marriage. Yes 3 yrs together with no intercourse, some forced cuddling very very rarely.Anyway I was always hopeful that we will get past these troubles and some day have a good marriage.But for past 6 months I realized that my hubby has actually been a very terrible husband to me. He never made me feel special in anyway, never gave me any gifts for my bday, anniversaries etc no dinners out,no vacations or trips, although he would buy his mom gifts for her bday,anniversary,christmas and take us out for dinner, movies to celebrate his parents special days, even took his parents and me out for a vacation together. I think i was working more on our marriage coz I used to plan trips for both of us so we could get time away from his family problems and maybe start our sex life. But his mom would make calls to him and sulk while we were on vacation and then he would also become broody. So first two yrs were nothing short of an emotional roller coaster for me. I actually used to cry myself to sleep every night coz i did not want to walk away from my marriage and I could see no hope in the situation I was in. I lost all my self confidence and desire to feel good about myself.Very recently (since last october) I realized that I have been fantasizing about a close male friend of mine. He is a common friend of my hubby and me. We used to work together and still do. This guy has the same interests as me like trekking,hiking (all that my hubby hasnt done ever and doesnt like the idea much).I realize that I always had feelings for him but would push myself away from thinking abt him before marriage coz i thought i was committed to my then boyfriend and now hubby and it was silly to be thinking about other guys.One day, this friend of mine and I had a lunch together where we got talking and he and I both told each other that we were both attracted to each other but never took it seriously. I never told him about my marital problems then. Anyway we decided it was silly to think about it now and it would only hurt my husband(this guy is single, never married).After a few weeks of trying to stay away from each other, we got back and this time I told him that I was in a difficult marriage. In a couple of days, he did some thinking and said he would be more than happy if I were to walk away from my marriage and marry him. I was increasingly getting emotionally attached to him and one day I told my hubby all about this. I cried a lot coz I had invested so much time and energy in our marriage only to realize that I married the wrong person. Since I told my hubby that I am very attracted to this guy, my husband has become a very changed man. He bought me diamonds, tries to take me out, has become very loving towards me though he does suspect that I am having an affair (I would say I am having an emotional affair.I still cant get that guy out of my head). My hubby is actually a very gentle person and has been very nice to me. Not an abuser of any kind just that he was a mamma's boy. I think I lost all the love and respect that I had for him and I dont even feel like doing anything physical with him. I think I felt this way for a very long time and thats why we had a sexless marriage.When he wanted it I didnt want, when I wanted it he didnt want it.Now the problem is I dont understand if I should walk out of this marriage(I feel bad for my hubby coz he does love me a lot but I don't love him in that way anymore) and I am not sure if I am getting attracted to this friend of mine only because I was dissatisfied with the marriage. Is it a good enough reason to end the marriage coz I feel trapped in it, dont feel like doing anything physical with my husband and am not very hopeful of a future. Or is it just a phase and all marriages go through such things. Please advice. Do I need to put in more effort to make the marriage work or should I get out it and live a life I want to look forward to.
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male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (1 May 2010):
 I think that you should not stay in your marriage.
I think that you should get out of your current marriage and then DATE this other guy that you want to see.
Date him, and if it works out, then marry him.
Jumping from one marriage to another is a bad thing.
Get out of your marriage and *date* the guy you like.
Live the life you want to look forward to!
You have the right to be happy. Your husband has the right to be happy.
You two were simply not meant for eachother.
Update us on how it turns out.
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