A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I want to break up with my boyfriend. We have been together over a year. His birthday is in 5 days. Should i wait until after? What is the best thing to say? I would really like to stay friends. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Caribearkiss +, writes (7 August 2008):
I think this is a bit late advice for you by now... BUT, my boyfriend just broke up with me last Friday... my birthday is today.
Don't do it before, I think it's extremely petty. His birthday wasn't that long ago and I did something sweet for him... i'm not making much money as a student right now, and what do I get in return? He couldn't possibly wait until after my birthday?? He had never given any clue, still had been extremely sweet and affectionate. And now he just looks cheap like he didn't want to spend the money on my birthday present.
Don't listen to any of these people saying to do it as soon as possible... they should think less selfishly, there is no reason to ruin someone's birthday. Maybe there's no benefit to you which way you do it, but certainly don't count on being friends if you do it before. Total jerk move.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2008): If you put it off, you may put it off agaian and again trying to find the right time, but there is never a great time to tell someone its over. I was going to wait til after her classes and exams had finished to break up, but she felt things were strained and asked me what I was thinking, so i did it then and there. I dont regret it, I think it was the best thing. I soon found someone and so did she.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2008): Vow, this is a tricky one, but if it was me personally, I would prefer the bad news now; at least I can start a new begining on my birthday; I would hate such a lousy late "birthday present".
Your choice; my vote would be:
Tell him now!
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A
female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (20 June 2008):
 Well it is a good time to learn timing. I totally agree with birdy, just tough it up for the next 5 days. Try to be nice and gentle and just wait out. Have the best birthday with him and then start emotional separation until you break up.
I had this friend who wait for two months because he was on a trip and she thought he deserved a face to face break up (instead of the phone). He had an idea something was not right but he got his closure (for five whole hours).
I guess my point is that after you shared so much with a person you should definitely consider his feelings in the process since you are the one ready to move on. And crying all day long because this relationship is over is not a good way to have a birthday. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (20 June 2008):
 Ouch! It's nice of you to consider this, you are a very kind and considerate soul. It's not the greatest timing. Anyone who has been dumped at Christmas or right before their final exams knows the bewilderment and excruciating pain that takes away all the pleasure from a birthday or Christmas. It makes writng your exams impossible, because all you are doing is sitting there thinking "Why did she dump me?".
If you are a very good actress, it might be a supreme act of kindness to wait until after his birthday. If you have been going out for a year, it's only another 5 days. You are a very sweet girl. If you think that you can do this without letting the cat out of the bag, well, it's probably taking his feelings into consideration more so than simply ingoring this fact and dumping him right before his birthday. You should definately follow your heart and break up with him, but you are right to consider the timing. Good for you. I hope that both of my children, if they should ever be in this situation again, act with the same humanity. Break ups shouldn't be avoided, but timing is everything.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2008): take it from me the sooner you do break up with him the better for both of ye and your honesty with him will imporve your chances of staying friends with him.
hope all works out for you and him as friends because it can be difficult to stay friends after a break up. but the quicker you break up with him the better.
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A
male
reader, kenny  + ♥, writes (20 June 2008):
 No i would say if you want to break up with him do it as soon as possible. Ultimately the longer you leave it the harder it will get, i don't really see any great benefit to wait till after his birthday. Just be open and honest with how you feel, and say that you don't want to be in this relationship anymore, but stress the fact that you would still like to be good friends.
Good luck x
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