A
female
age
30-35,
*arin
writes:I am turning 20 this year. i have not been in a relationship before. My family is quite conservative about this matter, especially my mum. I started to hang out with a guy recently. And she started to giving some advice... hint me not to hang out with him too often.I think that I am ready for a relationship but this is not allowed in my family. I have asked my friend about this. Her advice is to ignore what my mum says.My mum tried to act open-minded to this matter. But I know she dislikes it when I ever tried to have a relationship.I have done what she wants always, played the role of a good daughter. I don't want to disappoint her.What should I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, karin +, writes (5 February 2009):
karin is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for advice.I think I know what to do now.
A
female
reader, saoirse  +, writes (3 February 2009):
 I think that it is a good sign that you are open and honest with your mother, and it is wonderful that she is at least TRYING to be open minded to your needs and your feelings. I think one thing you should do is try and remain as honest as possible with her. Tell her that you RESPECT her wishes, but that you feel like she should TRUST you enough at this point to believe that you are capable of making a RESPONSIBLE decision. Outline to her the truth, tell her that you are just getting to know this person, and that you aren't going to make any major physical or emotional decisions at this point. Tell her that you really want to to have her support, and that if she promises to try and respect your need to have a relationship, that you will try and respect her wishes as much as possible. Ask her to tell you exactly why she doesn't think it's a good idea that you have a relationship. Ask her to give you reasons, and then discuss them with her. Also outline your needs. Remember here that the key is to not lash out at her, but to understand that you're old enough now that you can make your own decisions, just try not to hurt anyone.If you are living on your own, then obviously you have the ability to sort of hide how close you actually are to this person, and if you are living in her home, perhaps it would be wiser to wait until you are on your own. Good luck, S.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2009): i understand how you feel, but your mum is probably just trying to protect you from getting hurt. I'm sure she only wants whats best for you...it also shows you how much she loves you.i think that you should talk to you mum and tell her how you feel and let her know that you don't want to dissopoint her, if she still won't let you then maybe you should wait till your 21 before you go disobeying herhope this helps
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic  +, writes (3 February 2009):
 I think you should respect your mothers wishes to a point, but there needs to be some compromise there also, try talking to your mum and reassuring her that you are a sensible lady and that you are not going to rush into anything serious with this boy. Failing that hide it from your mum and just be careful.
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