A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:One of my closest friends and I met when I was 16. We bonded over our love of anime and Japanese music and Japanese culture. Since creating this friendship with her, up until about a month ago we have talked a about living in Japan together for a year. We ewere planning on doing that after she finished school in a year and a half.But she just came back from a trip to Dominican Republic with her mother a week ago and now she's saying she's going back in Augest because her parents are buying a house and they're moving there, when she's done school. I asked her "What about Japan? Are you just screwing that over?" She just said "yea like it was no big deal! I was so angrry I feel like she's broken a promise to me. But she's 20 and I shouldn't tell her how to live her life. I get that lives,can change and with that so can dreams and hopes, but I feel really...rejected like everything that we talked about just suddenly dosen't matter at all. Do I have a right to be angry with her or am I being immature and caring too much about empty promises? should I tell her how upset I am about all this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2013): I'd be upset if I was you. But don't react too much as it wasn't exactlly her choice to move, it was her parents. Maybe se could of shown a little more disappointment against your plans, but I don't know the girl so who am I too judge.
I would just say have a chat with her. Explain that although you are happy for her future in the new country you were really looking forward to the trip to Japan and thought she was really serious about it. Don't say it in a nasty way just show your upset and disappointment. She can't blame you for that. But at the same time don't try and push her.
From your post she sounds like she wasn't that bothered, but maybe it hasn't really sunk in yet, or maybe she just didn't have as high hopes as you. Many friends say let go on holiday in the summer but then when the times comes they have no money and it doesn't seem like a big deal.
All you can do is talk to her and just see how she really feels about the situation. I hope this is of some help to you :)
A
male
reader, Glacier  +, writes (7 March 2013):
Do your do due diligence before moving to another country.
How would you pay for living there for a year?
You think you will easily get a job? Very unlikely.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (7 March 2013):
 she's not rejecting you... just some plans that really weren't set in stone yet...
I think you are over-reacting but I also think you can let her know how sad and disappointed you are....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2013): She didn't promise that she was going to japan with you though did she? Did you pinky swear on this?
Plans change OP and a new opportunity has arisen for her. Such is life OP, and she really doesn't have much control over this seeing as her parents are moving there.
If you're going to be hurt any time someone's life changes that alters your dreams and plans you're going to be very disappointed OP. I've had that happen tonnes of times, my life even has taken different paths away from people and places too.
Do you think she did this to specifically hurt you? I don't think you believe she did, so you have no reason to feel angry in any way. It's understandable to feel hurt, even deeply disappointed OP but at the end of the day you can still go to Japan and you have about 50+ years left in your life to do so, in the future she may even join you.
OP you're letting the disappointment consume you, you're letting it be anger and rage, you need to clam down and see this for what it is. She didn't break any promise OP, something new came up that is largely out of her control. You don't have to live your based on her either, you too will have life take you in different directions, you can't possibly restrict yourself to only doing things you planned with others, you too have to take opportunities as they arise.
OP the trip Japan was supposed to be in a year and half right? Who's to say it still won't happen? She's going in August to live, you'll still have another year before you're ready to go anywhere and you know what? You will have a close friend living somewhere nice and tropical that you can go stay with for holidays. Who knows, by the time you're ready to go travelling you may fall in love with the place and want to do a year there.
You need to learn to roll with the punches of life OP, this isn't taking away your dream, it's actually presenting you with an equally as cool second option. You can go spend a summer there working after you're finished, save up some money and then go off to Japan. This actually may be the best thing ever, so try and see how this is an opportunity for you too. You can use that as base of operations to travel around South America if you like. Japan isn't the only awesome country in the world OP.
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