A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:im in love with my best friend but she is getting married in a few months. i feel jelouis when i see them together or hear about what they have done. do i risk our friendship by telling her? and how do i get over my feelings for her and move on?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2010): tell her. please. marriage is to be taken very seriously and she should know before she gets married. if you don't tell her, you'll never know sand it will haunt you forever. if you love her as much as you say you do, you will never get over it.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (15 March 2010):
 If you love her, let her go . She is obviously not meant for you . You are fated to be only best friends.Accept the reality and move on.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (15 March 2010):
 Dont tell her - she doesnt love you and does not want to be with you so you will only cause problems by telling her.
She is getting married - you have to accept now that you will never be together. As long as in your head you know that while she is a special person in your life, you know that she loves another man and has no interest in you then you will be able to move on.
The reason you are finding it so hard at the minute is that in your head you are imagining telling her how you feel, then suddenly she realises her feelings for you then she leaves her fiance and you two live happily ever after. If you can let go of that fantasy then you will start to move on.
Just try and see her less, be less involved in her life and put some distance between you. I know it is hard because she is a friend but I'm sure you have enough friends to be able to spend time with someone other than her. Try anything you can to take your mind off her - exercise, new hobbies.....anything you want to try and fill your time. Maybe even offer to help with her wedding plans - if you are involved in planning the wedding then at least you will know it is definitely going ahead and there is nothing you can do to stop it.
While you may think you are in love with her, what you are really feeling is just an infatuation. You cannot be in love with someone you have no relationship with - if you have never even been intimate with her then you really have no idea of what it is like to be with her. You obvisouly think she is a wonderful person and would like to take it further than just being friends - but this is not love. Some people may think that it is possible to love someone despite not being together but I really do not - all those feelings are is just attraction for that person due to the way they look and due to their personality, with common interests and passions thrown in. This is the first step on the way to loving someone, yes. But it is not full blown love. That only comes when you have woke up to that person and seen them with bed hair and no-make up, when they have been ill but you still think she is beautiful, when you have been through ups and downs together and still come out of the other side together.
Love is not all these intense feelings and emotions you have for someone in the early stages of getting to know them (as you are when you are only in the friends stage) - love comes after a long time together, when you are truly initmate, when you know that person inside out.
So maybe if you can accept that this is not love, just strong feelings towards someone who is made more attractive by the fact you cannot have her (the good old "want what you cant have" principle) then maybe you will be on your way towards getting over her.
These feelings will go away, I promise you that. Just give it time, be patient and whatever you do please dont tell her about your feelings! It will ruin your friendship and create problems for her with her fiance. She will be happy and excited she is getting married - dont ruin things for her now.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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