A
female
age
41-50,
*wtmoscato
writes:It's been about 2years that I met this guy and we were instantly attracted, talked for a few weeks and then had our first "hook-up". I've talked to him two different times that I deserve more, I want more and I don't want to be his "F-buddy"!!! Well the first time didn't phase him really cause my actions weren't backing up my words. The last time I was open and honest about my desires, which was about Aug. 2012, 1year after we met. We decided to take it slow, talk as friends and it was here and there texts for about 5months. He started to come around again w/ his calling and texting and I was good about not allowing anything to happen, but I couldn't resist any longer. I ultimately gave in and we've been hooking up again for past 4months or so. WHY??? For the time we weren't talking I was okay w/ us finally ending and if a friendship was there then it would be just that. I love being w/ him but I hate when he leaves, which takes me back to square one ... again!!! Since we started again I haven't brought up any sort of conversation like before cause I feel like it got me nowhere and now I deserve what he's putting out cause I allowed again. I don't want to believe these past two years have been wasteful, that he's in my life for this long for a GOOD reason!What should I do at this point ... talk again or just stop answering his communications??? Thank you in advance for mature, honest advice!!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2013): To answer your latest question. Yes go cold turkey. If you find that you
can't resist, block all #s and email, and Facebook. If you have a smartphone, they have an app for that. Whatever numbers he calls you from you can block it. Since your "needs" supersede your good judgment so you're going to have to absolutely go cold turkey.
Personally, I think that you're not ready to Let it go. You know for yourself when you're done you're done. There would be no contact whatsoever. No matter how much he calls begs and plead. Only you know when you're done. I honestly don't think you are. When you're truly ready you know what to do. Best wishes.
A
female
reader, Swtmoscato +, writes (17 May 2013):
Swtmoscato is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your honest advice ... Sad thing is I know it's not an ideal situation I've gotten myself into yet again with him. I was okay when we had our last talk and I stuck to it for months. He made his way back in and instead of keeping him at arms length and I wrapped my legs around him, so to speak!!! We just have this amazing chemistry and I have needs dang it ... LOL!!!
Well should I voice anything to him or just cold-turkey him and not answer anymore texts???
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2013): I agree with the first comment, since the realtionship started off in this , it would be really hard to have a serious relationship. Move on to someone who would start dating you and is attracted t you mentally and physically. It will be hard at first , but you will soon realize that it will be better for you that way because its hard to live with mixed emotions.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2013): Like my Grandma says when we had a talk a couple years ago and I agree with her 100%. Why would somebody buy the cow when they could get the milk free. Sorry for the poor comparison. As you can see I am not a fan of FWBs. I know maybe two of my girlfriends who were involved in this new kind of life style for a year. It really didn't work out well. The men knew they had a good thing and they don't want to give it up. The women get trapped in the honey moon phase longer and when it all came down to it they ultimately were not able to just relate this experience like taking a shower or bath and cleaning yourself. I couldn't stand this kind of relationship and most of my girlfriends either. The movie blew this whole experience out of proportion. You got sucked into the honey moon phase and never got over it. Just be thankful he didn't take pics and try and black mail you to stay in this arrangement longer. Its all over realize that and take this as a life lesson. People aren't perfect and we are human. There are very few women that can be in a FWB arrangement and just shut it off. You need to pick yourself up and re make yourself and get back out in the dating scene and find a man who can give you love ,companionship and intimacy. He wont be perfect but do you know any one who is? I don't. Are you going to fall? Are you going to fail? Will you get back up and be successful? Yes Yes Yes. And I believe you will thank me some day and be glad you took the course of action that society wants to poo hoo as being boring and outdated. It is not, I have had a successful relationship for over three years. I was in the same boat as you over five years ago. Think carefully on what I said and move ahead. God Bless xoxo Good-luck...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2013): Simple solution but hard to do. Stop seeing him or talking to him. If you said you can't resist you are going to have to stay away from him. I've been there. It's almost as if this was me about 8 years ago. I had to leave numbers alone. In time, the feelings that were there were gone. I had to stop cold turkey. If not I would still be miserable to this day. If I continued to allow him to come around that's exactly what he was going to do. I met people since then and now I'm married! I wouldn't have been if I keep seeing this man. It's you're decision. Stay and settle or move on and possibly meet your husband. The ball is in your court. Best wishes!
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