A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have known this guy for 4 years. It started off sexually then my emotions became involved about a year into it. We became friends but I wanted more.We continued having sex then three years in to it I became pregnant. He didnt want it but i had the baby anyway because of my disbelief in abortions. seven months into my pregnancy I found out he was seeing someone. He is still seeing this person but is still having sex with me. I am still in love with him and I want him to leave her to be a family with my son and I.Should I stop having sex with him? Its so hard to because i love to be around him and sex is the only way i can express my emotion to him .He knows how I feel about him. Was he upset that I went through with the pregnancy?How do I get over this and move on with my love life?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2008): Your last post tells me you are not listening, you don't want to be given advice you want someone to provide the magic bullet to land this man.
Let me ask you this....what other bullshit besides "this is only temporary, she is not the one for me, there is no chemistry" are you gonna believe from this guy? He is with her, he could walk away from her any time, she is not his wife, why a temporary situation other than he is a user and he is using her too, until he finds someone else equally as dumb and with no self esteem that he can crap on.
You are acting with no self respect allowing him to come around for sex when he has another girlfriend and you don't have anything from him except his child.
This is very damaging to you. The way you move on is to allow him to pick up his kid, you stay behind the door and kiss your SON/DAUGHTER goodbye and tell the jerk to have him/her back by x. You don't talk to him unless it is about the subject of raising your child, and you stop having sex with him cold turkey.
Then you go about building a life for yourself and you kid. If you need help, go see a therapist or counselor, but do not continue telling yourself that turning the tables on him is going to make him change his mind about you. It isn't, his actions are not in your control ever.
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (19 May 2008):
 It can be hard for a while, but it does get better. I don't know much about wanting to have a family as bad as you do. I have a wonderful family. It's my children and I. I don't have to have a girlfriend or a wife to be a family with my kids. I'm not really in a hurry to change that situation either.
Focus on you and your son. If anything else is meant to be, it'll fall into place, but still live the precious time in between.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for ur insight thats exactly what i need to hear.He is a great dad. He keeps telling me that this is a t emporary situation and that she is not the one for him and there is no chemistry. I cant sit around and wait for something that may never be. I want a family so bad and want to settle down. I guess I have to take it one day at a time. How can I try to move on when he is constantly around because of our son? I love everything about him except our current situation. Do you all think if I stopped having sex with him and telling him how I feel he will want me? I just want to turn the tables and let him see how it feels.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008): yes I imagine he was upset, if he didnt want the baby and you had it. ummm you kinda trapped him into this situation, I doubt it will make much of a difference if you stop having sex or not. He will continue to see this other girl. Harsh yes but true. HE IS NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU. If he was he would not be doing this. This is why he is with another woman.
Let me explain a little something, if you put it out there men will take it, especially if it is free!
I suggest, get a little self respect, grow up. Move on and take care of your son.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (18 May 2008):
Live for yourself and your son. Your having sex with his is telling him, he can still get it and not have to commit in order too. What's the saying? Why by the cow, when you can get the milk for free?
He needs to realize you're not wanting to just sit around and be his plaything. If it works out, great, if not, you have a child to raise, and be the best mother you can be for your son.
Take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008): If you are asking if the reason he is not with you instead of the other girl is because he is upset you went through the pregnancy, the answer is not hardly.
He has been your friend with benefits for way too long and is using you for sex still because you let him. He is most likely not telling his current girl that you two are cheating, and he has a child with you so you will probably have him around for the rest of your life and the child's that is if he wants to be a dad.
But stop having sex with him, it keeps you bonded, it keeps you stuck in a what has to be a very hurtful relationship to you....let him go, start taking care of yourself and make a life for you and your child.
Make some friends, and in time date some different men, do not sleep around, date around, and leave this guy and his girl to it....he isn't worth it, he sounds like a jerk to me, stringing you along like that for years....if he was honest with you that he was just your f buddy, then you allowed him to use you and should not be surprised that he does not return your feelings as they never may have been there in the first place.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008): i think you should stop having sex with this guy. if he does not stop seeing this girl he does not love you, and if that happends stay away from him. even though it hurts, try to not think about that guy, and have your child in peace. fact: is going to be hard for you.
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