A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:When ever my partner is upset I apologise to her no mater what, and even if I am not in the wrong because I don't like her being unhappy or upset., but I am starting to feel a lot of resentment that she never returns this. when I talked about this to her she just said that 'that's my right I am a girl'. Should I stop apologising so she makes a change or should I just stick it out and she will realise. I don't want to loose her as really love her. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, PeterPan  +, writes (18 June 2009):
 You've set a bad precedence here if you're apologizing for mistakes you haven't even made. There's an old saying -- you can't MAKE somebody happy, they have to do it for themselves. Now, there's nothing wrong with HELPING somebody find or discover their own slice of happiness, but ultimately, her happiness isn't your responsibility.
So, with that said, I would immediately stop apologizing for things that you're not directly responsible for doing. On the resentment issue... well, that seems to be a surface issue to a larger one -- your communication skills between you. You might want to try expressing yourself to her tending to the emotional side of things (because we men tend to communicate in more of a "factual" level than an emotional one). If you two can't bolster your communication skills, or if she's not willing to meet you on some middle ground someplace in all this... well, then it might be time for you to create your own happiness without her. Devoting yourself to somebody unresponsive to you is only hurting you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2009): As a girl I would of course say that you should keep apologising. But seriously, tell her that it's her fault nicely after she cools down. Tell her that you don't feel it's right that you apologise even if you're not in the wrong.
Go with your insincts. You might love her a lot but I guess she's too self centered to realise.
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