A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ever since I had my birthday, something has really been bothering me, and lately, it's been torturing me.I feel like people need to have dreams, because dreams are the things that make life worth living. I don't want to die, but I'm scared to death because I've had an epiphany and realized my life has never really started. I don't want to be one of those people without dreams, who just lives their life by default. I became a teacher, but it just happened by default. People need to have passion in their lives, and I'm in a job that I just fell into. I never really dreamed of doing it. It tortures me that there are professions that are out there, that would fill my heart, and that there are other people living their dreams. I want to have dreams of my own. When I see others living their dreams, it makes me crazy and I just want to kick myself for screwing up so badly.There were things I dreamed of doing, and I didn't pursue them because I was stupid, and naive, and I regret it so much. I'm scared that it's too late for me to start over again and do something different. Music is my passion, and I see people or meet people who are musicians and I feel a little bit jealous because that was my dream and I stupidly chose a "safe" profession. People tell me that I could always do it as a hobby, but I don't want to furtively sneak in a few minutes to practice my guitar in my basement, where no one will ever hear me, and then spend most of my time doing a job my heart's not in (teaching). Teaching is a 24/7 job and teachers have very little free time.I can't bear to think that my one life is going to pass by and I never will have had any dreams that came true, that it's all just going to happen by default. There are other professions that I think I would have been happy and successful in, that may have been more auspicious than music. Sometimes I think I should have been a veterinarian, a commercial artist, or a scientist. I have a degree in Spanish but I nearly have a minor in Science and Criminal Justice. I had planned for years to be an attorney, but I graduated from college, got a job with a crummy ambulance-chaser law firm, and became disgusted with the legal profession, and the law lost its allure and I no longer want to be an attorney because I hate lawyers. This is torturing me. I know this sounds selfish, but I want to be happy. I don't want to endure my life, I want to life a fulfilled life.I've already graduated from college with less than a 4.0 GPA and I've had my 30th birthday, and I'm terrified that all the doors to anything that would have fulfilled me are closed forever.I can take an honest answer, but nothing harsh. It's taken all the courage that I have just to post this question, and I'm absolutely terrified that I'm destined to have a restless, unfulfilled life. What is it too late for me to pursue, at this point?If you can help me, thank you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2009): I just want fulfillment. Life is so short, and so precious. I don't want to just endure my life, I want to live my life.
I just "fell into" teaching, but I know that my heart's not in it. There are jobs out there that my heart would be in, and whenever I meet someone who is in a field I would love, I feel jealous, up to the point that it makes me crazy.
I can't imagine doing a job that my heart's not in forever. It just makes my heart sink. I realize it was a mistake to become a teacher, and I was stupid. It makes me sad that I have talents for other things and those talents are going to waste. I would have loved to have been a commercial artist, but I always doubted that I had the talent. I regret it so much because a series of people have seen my artwork and they tell me that I have it all and that I could have been an animator for Disney and that I missed my calling.
I just want to be happy, and fulfilled. Teaching isn't for me.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2009): All good advice here. But I wanted to say that sometimes we all feel this way about our lives, we don't have control over all of the elements of life, sometimes we do what we have to do to have a comfortable stable life.
Perhaps what you are feeling is burnout from your current job....and all you need is something new to do or change what it is you teach. If music is your passion why not teach music if it is available to teach? Or give lessons during the summer or join a musical group or theater group that would allow you to perform and get outside of your comfort zone.
You are very young and your life is far from over....and you have to make your opportunities where you can. Many people change careers throughout their lives, some are downsized, laid off or fired and the choice is not theirs to make, so they adapt and they find other skills and other opportunities.
I am sorry that you cannot be satisfied with teaching, it is a noble profession in my opinion and a very important one. I would hope that you can appreciate that you are contributing in a big way to those you teach and even to society by taking on the responsibility of educating others. I don't know what is not to be passionate about there, but I am sure at times it can feel like you aren't changing a thing, but you are.
From a practical standpoint it is a bad economy out there and jobs are hard to find. The fact that you are employed and in a good field with great retirement benefits is something many people are trying to turn to. Many are taking the opportunity to work on themselves at this time by getting additional education and degrees so that they have more options in the workplace, so you would not be alone if you decided to do the same thing and work on another skill or dream that you have.
Of course dreams are important, but I don't think that our dreams are always what we think they will be like in reality....it takes experience to know what you are passionate about, but once you figure it out and are able to do it then sure you would feel that you had accomplished a goal. So start setting some goals, don't say I have to be a famous musician, start with playing the guitar, then joing a church choir or some musical group or start performing in front of others and take it from there. You have to map out a plan and make it happen or it stays just that, a dream....action begets results....one foot in front of the other....get going....and stop lamenting and be grateful for what you do have. Gratitude is important to happiness, without it you will never be happy....sometimes we all forget that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2009): I don't think life is anything like the way we want to believe it is when we are younger. The fiction we all absorb while growing up always seems to influence the way people think life should be. The truth is we are all insignificant statistics. The majority of people live a safe, "boring" lifestyle. You seem to want to get out of the grind. There is no guarantee that you will ever be or do anything special, but you can always try. Don't worry about having one specific dream. I believe that is a phony idea created by fiction. What do you want in the next few years? Money, power, love, sex, fun and excitement? If you're bored or unfulfilled, then go after what you want. Whatever it is that you want, don't seek it the same way everyone else does. Follow the examples of those who succeed, and analyze how they are getting it better than you. In the end if it's too much effort, then you can just go back to being a regular lazy statistic. It doesn't really matter either way.You said it tortures you that you could be happy in certain professions, and that people are off living their dream. I would say that's false, and that a large number of people probably feel exactly the same as you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2009): i am 24 and i am telling you thirty is not old girl!! please chase after that dream. why else would we bother crawling out of bed in the morning if there wasn't something simply worth it? some of us hold onto a reason, others enjoy the pleasure of our work, but you need to find a means of happiness and not let anything stop you! do it!! your amazing!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2009): I would KILL to live in Spain, Gina. :)
I'm going there soon on a trip.
Finding work there... I'm gonna try! It's just that we US citizens have a really hard time finding work there because we have to have working papers. Of course, I figure I have nothing to lose by trying.
Thanks for your posts btw
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A
female
reader, malvern  + ♥, writes (23 May 2009):
 No way are you too old! I've heard of people changing careers in their forties and even older. You must pursue your dreams or you'll spend the rest of your life regretting it. Go back to college full time if you can afford to. If not then you will have to find an alternative, evening clsses or a part time course. In Great Britain a lot of our techers are 'supply teachers', ie; they're in a pool of teachers who can be called upon to cover for absences in schools etc. Maybe you could consider doing that to enable you to 'free up' some time for attending college. If you're keen enough then you'll do it. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, rpsm27  +, writes (23 May 2009):
Life starts at 40 my friend and as long as you are being certain about things and you have the passion and dedication in your heart then making it would not be very impossible at all. As long as you know where you are heading then GO FOR IT! You should let no one be on your way when you are dealing with your personal happiness in life. Yes, consider things but consider things in your own life first, that's not being selfish at all that's just being smart. Sacrifice more of your time and try to do it as long as you have plans! Do not move until you are definite about what you really want and what you really desire in your life. Goodluck my friend!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2009): well your in a similar situation as me
i always wanted to enter drama school but now i am studying architecture,everytime i meet a actor i just start burning on the inside out of jealousy cuz this is what i wanted to do
i hate what i am doin but i got into this profession for my parents since they considered it to be safe
i came across thousands of people who told me and even offered me roles in theatre,drama but i said no cuz pf my family
i dont know the solution to this but i just wanted to share this with you
your not alone,
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