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Should I settle down or just go out and have fun?

Tagged as: Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 November 2012) 5 Answers - (Newest, 11 November 2012)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Since breaking up with an old boyfriend I've kinda been off the rails, getting with random guys. I've since settled down with someone who says he loves me and been together for 6 months and I feel like I love him too. I can't help thinking of other guys I could be with or seeing guys I think are attractive. I feel like I could settle down with this guy but feel I've still got life in ke to flirt and have fun. He's planning on moving in with me next year and I'm happy but scared because I've done this before and it hasn't worked out because my ex did drugs etc. I don't know what to do shall oI see how the relationship pans out or just be stupid and have fun coz I'm young?

View related questions: drugs, flirt, my ex

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2012):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks cerberus for your help think you've hit it on the head. The first answer I am ignoring from anon male reader think he has problems. 1. I don't cheat. 2. I'm not taking him for granted. 3. You may think I don't deserve him but you don't know me. 4. I don't own any iPad or iPhone I'm not made of money but I do work hard with my 2 jobs. 5 I am content with him moving in .6 I do love him. Well think thats sorted my head out. Im glad I haven't met a man like you because you seem so sour. Don't come on here to attack people come on to give advice that'd what its for don't abuse people you don't know but many thanks to you other 2 readers

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2012):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

First of all don't be so rude I am asking for advice that seemed more of an attack, other two answers thankyou. I've been the one getting cheated on in the past and I don't go out purposely to pull, I rarely go out because I stick 2 jobs down. Cheating is sickening why would you cheat if you're with someone special? Not everyone's the same you know. Don't know how you dare say things like that to someone you don't know. Why you're talking about ipads I don't know I'm not in with the whole technology thing anyway. Yes I am content with him koving in

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2012):

Do your BF a favor and break up with him. You say you love him, but you keep thinking about being with other people because you think you can do better. Once you start thinking you can do better, or that the person you are with is someone to "settle" for, you are going down a dark path.

First, you should never think that you can do better when the guy you are with is treating you right, loves you, etc. It's either, you want to be with him or you don't. He/she is a human being, neither of you is better than the other.

Second, if you stay with him and continue to have these thoughts, you have a strong possibility of cheating. If you cheat on your BF, it will be 10x worse than if you just broke up with him.

Finally, you don't deserve him. He loves you and is willing to move with you, and you are not content with that. Plenty of other women want what you have, but you are taking it for granted and thinking about other possibilities. This isn't something like buying a new iPad and then wondering if the Samsung tablet is better; it's about being with another human being. You don't value what he brings, so let him find someone else who does.

You should end it now and be single. Go out and chase your desires, get hurt, find happiness, whatever. Get it out of your system now, and SINGLE, so that one day you can find someone and have a mature relationship.

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (9 November 2012):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntIt's easy to diagnose that you have "KCS syndrome." That's "Kid in a Candy Store".....

The symptoms are exactly as you describe your's.... thinking only about those treats that you think you would like to partake of.... and limiting you time-frame to the next day or two, maximum....

This syndrome can be treated (or NOT treated) in one of two ways.....

1. Ignore it and expect that you will grow out of it, or,

2. Acknowledge it, and decide how long you will endure it...

P.S. At your young age, either "treatment" is reasonable.

Good luck....

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2012):

Sounds to me more like you're freaking out because this is getting serious and that scares you because of what happened the last time you gave your heart to someone.

I think the "having fun" thing appeals to you because there's no real emotion involved in it, just sex and flirting etc. and the risk of getting hurt is almost zero.

OP you're with a guy who you're in love with, things are going well and after what happened you last time I can understand why you would freak out a bit but that's the risk we take when we give our heart to someone OP and sometimes we get burned. But this guy may end up being one of those great guys who don't come along that often who deserves your heart and do will everything he can to take care of it.

All I can say to you is this. I'd take the risk. It's a scary prospect OP it always is when you know the pain of having your heart crushed but when it goes right there is almost nothing better in life. No casual sex or multiple partners, or flirting fun can match it. This could be the start of a beautiful long term romance, who knows this may be the future father to your kids, do you really want to give that up so you can screw around just because you're scared.

You may well set yourself up for even greater pain by doing that OP. You may be heartbroken should you figure out in a few weeks or months that he really was the guy for you, you threw it away and he won't have you back. You may find yourself still screwing around in another 5 years because you haven't met any guy who has stuck around. What's worse OP is even if you did find another guy that would make a good partner you'll probably still run away when things get serious because you'll still have that fear.

Your happy but scared OP, stick around until he gives you real reason to think he may turn out like your ex. You would have already left this guy if he had shown any signs of being that way.

The best things in life are scary because they're so important but a good life is never led by letting fear get the better of you.

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