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female
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*rb1026
writes: I am a 21 year old female, and I have been with my boyfriend on and off for the past 5 years. We first dated when we were 16, broke up and got back together a couple of years later. In the time that we were not together neither one of us dated or "hooked up" with anyone else. We stayed friends after the break up and even though I'm sure it was a mistake we did engage in some sexual acts. There is a lot I could say about our relationship but to sum things up, we spend a lot of time fighting and arguing. He is only 22 and very immature (I am mature for my age) He is not able to connect with his sensitive side and be romantic and affectionate he admits freely that he has a difficult time expressing his feelings verbally. Our sex life is not very good considering our age, in my opinion young people in a relationship should be enjoying passion before settling down with marriage and kids. I feel that we have been together for so long that he has grown bored of me and sees sex more as an obligation then as pleasure, and when do have sex it is usually predictable and boring. When he turns me down for sex it seriously affects my self-esteem and I feel bad about myself. I have battled with self-esteem issues my entire life and I feel that as a boyfriend he should be making me feel good about myself. He knows exactly what he needs to do to make the relationship perfect but he just wont' change, and I find myself sad most of the time. Is it a mistake for me to wait for him to grow up and change, when he might not ever change? Am i making a mistake by staying with someone without never having experienced a relationship with anyone else? Is my bad self-esteem keeping me from making the right decisions ?? I feel the need to end the relationship all the time, but then I think about all that we have been through, and all the time we have devoted to each other. we know each other so well, and we are so comfortable with one another, I am even close with his entire family. But should comfort replace romance, passion, and pure happiness?? I really want this relationship to work out but i'm not sure if it can. Please help!
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reader, pops +, writes (25 August 2005):
Its a mistake. Dorp this guy like the bad penny he is. He doesn't deserve you. any guy who would treat you so badly as to consider sex a boring duty, rather than fun he can have with an adult woman is missing a few screws and nuts. Move on and find some who will appreciate you.
A
female
reader, delphinet +, writes (25 August 2005):
I'm in a similar situation. It's always easier to say it someone else, but it sounds like you're wanting someone to say to you, "yes, you should finish with him." So, yeah, it sounds like you should finish it. It's one thing to stay with someone for comfort, but exactly how comfortable is his poor/irregular sexual performance, damage to your self-esteem, and inability to meet your intimacy/emotional needs.
If you really want it to work, keep trying, but you need to talk to him about this, and work on the whole maturity/sex issues thing with him. I don't think the number of relationships you've had is an issue. Breaking up for that reason alone may result in many regrets later on! But I agree your self-esteem is most likely clouding your decision-making abilities. Maybe try a counsellor to help you with that, and see how you feel about the situation when you feel better about yourself?
Love Delphi
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A
female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (24 August 2005):
 I believe that in a relationship both parties must be happy and it seems that you are not so happy all the times. No relationship is perfect but to be this stressed in one is unfortunate. Have you tried talking to him and expressing what needs you need to have met in the relationship? We all want different things from relationships and if you don't want the same things or are not going in the same direction...then well...it won't make sense continuing. If it is worth fighting for and you see this man being with you forever in your heart...then work on it and talk and if at all see a counsellor or something along those lines. If after all the attempts to help this relationship fails...then hon I am afraid you have to let this go. Good Luck ana
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