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Should I risk involvement when he might travel abroad?

Tagged as: Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 November 2017) 4 Answers - (Newest, 15 November 2017)
A female United Kingdom age 22-25, anonymous writes:

I am dating a guy, we have been conversing for a good few weeks now.

He seems very interested and we get on really well.

He recently told me however that he is planning on going abroad to live with his friend next year.

When he said this he said followed it with "things could change between now and then though" and when I brought it up again, he said "I will make sure to do my research before committing to anything"....so he isn't 100% on the idea.

I know it is early days and this should not bother me but well, it does to be quite frank. I like this guy a lot and I am afraid of being hurt. However, when I told my mother about my feelings she told me that life is short and to enjoy the time with him; that he isn't set on this thing and his interest in me is there for sure and if it isn't well, him leaving will be enough of a sign. I am still bothered though.

His interest is there, he said there is a chance things could change. What would you guys do?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2017):

I am the OP.

I have decided to take my mothers advice and some of the advice here.

To the person who said I have know this guy for 2 weeks. It has been more than that, I said a FEW weeks. Not two. Yes I've been in long term before.

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A female reader, femmenoir Australia + , writes (14 November 2017):

femmenoir agony auntYou've only just known this guy for a "few weeks" and honestly, in the grand scheme of things, 2 weeks is nothing.

I am unsure if you've had prior experience with dating, however, it's going to take "much, much more" than 2 mere weeks to get to know somebody well and to find out what their character and your connection is "really" like.

I have now been married for almost 2 years and i'm still learning more about my husband and i'll never stop learning and vica versa.

You are thinking with your "heart" and your "emotions" right now, INSTEAD of thinking with your "head".

You must be rational and logical here and what your Mother has stated is correct.

It's very early days and it'd be an incredibly rare and unusual thing if 2 people assumed they were totally compatible and meant to be, long term, after only 2 weeks of knowing each other.

It's this simple, if it's meant to be with this guy, it will be and you won't have to worry, nor do anything, because you'll know for certain, so too, he, if and when the times right.

In simple terms, you won't have to do any of the chasing, nor even question where you stand with him.

He has mentioned travel and the possibility of heading abroad to live with his friend.

Well, i'd advise you to NOT STOP him from going, if that's what HE really wants to do.

If you try to change his mind, you will never come to learn if he stayed back, only because you asked him to and he felt pressured, or because he did so, of his own volition.

With men, it's always best to leave these things to them and allow them to make up their own mind and play no part in it, because if you do and things don't turn out positively, he may blame you.

You're still young and if this guy isn't the one for you, there will be others and perhaps even better suitors.

I don't mean to sound negative, however, many young people have to date a string of people, before they finally meet "the one".

Remember, we cannot make anybody want us, nor love us and just as well, because that'd be a poor way to start any relationship.

Just get on with you life as you've always done and don't place too much of your time and energy into this guy and into something that truthfully, you have no control over.

What will be will be, so be patient and place no added pressures on either of you.

Enjoy your life and good luck!

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (14 November 2017):

Your mother's advice is exactly the advise I'm giving you. You have only known this guy a few weeks and you like him based on first impression. Only time will reveal more about him. You have to substantiate your feelings based on what you know; before you attach them to someone. You're barely acquainted.

Young women tend to start releasing their feelings towards guys they find interesting and easy to talk to. Then those feelings start to attach. You have to learn to pace your feelings and allow them to strengthen based on trust and proof that they are justified.

He explained to you that his move is only a plan. You're getting ahead of yourself talking about getting hurt when you hardly even know the guy. You're dating. Stay in moment. Don't fast-forward to pain and disappointment.

The things that could change is that you may not like him as much as you think you do; and he may not even turnout to be the kind of guy you're even looking for.

First things first. Get to know him and just enjoy the moment like mother says. You're living in the present and that is what you should be enjoying; while you both learn more about each other.

Your hesitation should be due to the fact you don't know much about the guy. Your feelings should be held in-check; because he may not be on the same page about romance. He has so far offered you an opportunity to explore the possibilities. That's what your mother is is talking about.

I fully agree with her.

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A male reader, Been there Now over it United States + , writes (14 November 2017):

Given that you have been dating only "a good few weeks," he likely had planned this trip and perhaps made promises to his friend prior to dating you. I understand you're hesitation in investing in this relationship. However, your mom is right. You will likely be kicking your own behind in the near future if you don't follow up on this relationship. You'll always be wondering what would have happened if...

Engage in life or you'll someday be sitting in your rocking chair, watching tv and catering to your two cats. Just about all of us have had broken relationships. But we've learned from them and moved on.

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