A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I've been having this strange "relationship" with this man over a year now. We met through common friends. Since then he's been chasing me. He was very charming and we really got along, always had something to talk about and there is tons of chemistry..whenever we go out, we have so much fun, we kiss..it's never a date, just going out (for concerts, parties etc)..and few days ago, after almost year of him chasing me, we had sex, it was like fireworks, very passionate. since then i realized i have deeper feelings for him, although i feel he's pulling away..we are talking, but i feel he's a distant and contact me less then before. maybe he was just after sex, but i kinda feel that he has some feelings for me too, i don't know. Would a man chase a girl over a year if he hadn't at least some feelings for her? also, during the sex, he was very gentle to me, constantly kissing me..i felt from his touches and kisses there must be some emotions..maybe i'm naive, i don't know.I'm thinking about telling him about my feelings for him, but i'm afraid where that would lead, because once he told me, he's never had long time relationship (he's 31), only few few weeks relationships based mostly on sex... it's like he has commitment issues.. Can a man like this ever change? But i think he wants some more meaningful relationship finally, he's a family type of guy, he loves his family very much, his parents, his sister and his niece, they got along very well..so i'm confused. Would you want to have anything with this kind of man? Would you pursue him and tell him you want a relationship with him? Thank you very much!
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2017): You listed the most important elements in a romantic-connection. (1) He's been chasing you. (2) You always have something to talk about. (3) What I consider the best of all, you have chemistry and passion.
You waited before having sex. That gave you time to sort-out your own feelings. Meanwhile; you were able to get to know each other, and to delve into each others emotional storage bins. If he shared his secrets, he trusts you! You know each other fairly well. He stuck it out for this long.
Oh the heck with commitment-issues!!! He's got to grow the hell up! I'm sick of people and this mess about "I got hurt..weh weh weh! Be an adult, or a cry-baby for the rest of your life! You get hurt. That's life! Adults get over it! Life doesn't stop because your heart got broken. Forever love-victims get on my nerves! Seriously?!!
Under these conditions it is time that you inform him where you stand emotionally. You should be direct! Ask him what he's looking for; and if you fall somewhere within his future plans? What are his priorities, and are you at the top of his list? After all this time; that's where you should be, sweetheart!
With this caveat. Not if you've been playing games and diddling with his feelings this whole time!
It's not just his decision, it's yours too! Whether you feel at this point he will consistently live-up to your expectations. In a year, you shouldn't be questioning how someone feels about you. If he's really serious about anything, I think he should have said something by now. So now it's up to you; so you can get on with your life.
After sex, for some odd reason, many guys seem to suddenly cool their jets. That's because they know women usually attach their feelings and emotions to sex. They are afraid of your desire to move things to the next step. To form a commitment and be exclusive. "Okay, where is this all leading to?" "Is this it???
I'd say, you should address him point-blank! Find-out if this will become something more, or if he's just wasting your time?
I echo Honeypie! "What do you have to lose by telling him?"
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (28 December 2017):
 What do you have to lose by telling him?
You already shot yourself in the foot by having casual sex with him.
I wouldn't declare my LOVE for him, I would tell him that you find yourself attracted to him and that you are curious as to if he is interested in pursuing something, maybe even a relationship.
If he says he isn't looking to date anyone, then STOP with the kissing and sex and intimacy when you seem him out and about. Then it's time to let him go and look elsewhere for a partner.
If he IS interested, do some dates (no sex for a bit) and see how well you get on. You already know there is chemistry and sexual compatibility. What you don't REALLY know if your personalities mesh well, if you have a lot in common, same values, etc.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2017): No I wouldn't personally. From the evidence he has given you it seems as if you were someone to conquer and now he has, he's losing interest. Or maybe just feels that he doesn't have to try so hard any more. Either way it seems as if you are more into him than he is into you.
He's told you himself that he has never had a long relationship and the ones he has had have been based on sex. That should tell you something.
I don't think it's a good idea to try and imagine what someone wants. Especially when what you want him to want, is contrary to how he is behaving.
What he was like in bed with you is not really indicative of how he feels. Yes he obviously likes you and fancies you, but for him, it would seem that that's as far as it goes.
Declaring feelings and saying you want a relationship will have him running to the hills! Men spook easily. They like to chase, not be chased.
Leave it be and don't contact him. See what happens. Take it very slowly. Peak his interest again. And don't put yourself in this position again by having sex before you really know how you both feel. Easier said than done I know, I've done it myself and I hope I've learned from it too.
Good luck but I wouldn't waste a whole load of time on a man who by his own admission is more into sex than relationships.
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