A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My long distance boyfriend keeps asking me to perform oral sex on him. We have had numerous discussions sometimes resulting in arguments in which I explain that I'm not comfortable doing so and he tells me it would make him happy so I should. Before you ask, I don't expect him to perform oral sex on me, in fact that too makes me feel umcomfortable. Am I in the wrong? Should I do it to make him happy? Or should he respect my decision and not make me feel bad for not doing it?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2012): Ask him if he would give u oral if he says no u can use that aginst him. If he says yes then make him do it 2 u then once he has don it 2 u u can giv him 1 or u could make him earn it or stand ur ground and say no but be warned he might leave u hope this helps ;)
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 June 2012):
 I have the opposite problem… I love giving and getting but my partner only likes getting… he does not want to give me oral. We talked about these issues BEFORE we got serious.
FOR HIM, not receiving blow jobs is a deal breaker. FOR ME, not getting oral is NOT a deal breaker as long as he’s ok with my taking care of myself after we have relations and I’m not finished.
I would NEVER dream of forcing him or demanding of him that he does what he does not like. Yes I tease him about it and tell him I miss it but I signed up for this deal knowing it was not an option for him…
IF YOU do not want to give oral do not give oral. BUT you must tell your BF that you will not do it. DO NOT do it to make him happy. He needs to respect your decision but then you need to accept that he may leave you because receiving oral from his partner is a mandatory act for him. Both of these things are fair.
You are not sexually compatible and that’s a shame.
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A
male
reader, Rowdy +, writes (29 June 2012):
I'm sorry, but I don't agree with Cerberus on just a few points. In his very last sentence, that last line at the bottom, I don't think you should do that. I think this isn't a matter of what you like or don't like right now, but a matter of just not at a point in your relationship where you can do this. You may really enjoy it as some other time, but you just aren't ready now. Don't let something like that prevent you from starting a relationship with anybody, you can work around it.But the other thing I wanted to comment on was Cerberus was the only one who mentioned it is a two way street. He should respect you, but you should understand that you need to do things for him as well. I completely agree with this statement. However, I feel like this isn't a double standard you're holding your boyfriend to. Basically, you don't want either of you taking off your respective underwear is what it seems like. Now if you're boyfriend really needs something more, you can try to find something else as a middle ground for him.My stance remains, keep saying no to oral if you don't want to, or you feel it's not the right time yet. But Cerberus gives excellent advice and you should try to find some way to take care of him, while still holding your own values. Find the middle ground that all relationships need.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2012): It works both ways OP. He should respect your decision and then he should leave you and find someone he's sexually compatible with.
But you should also respect that this is something he wants and he's unhappy not having it.
People can say all they want that you don't need oral, well I do. I'm not happy in relationships without them (giving and receiving) and because of that I don't stay in relationships where they don't exist. I would definitely respect your decision not to want do it but I would go find another girl who would want to do it.
You and he are not compatible sexually OP. If you can't give him what he wants sexually then it's best if he finds someone else.
As far as should you do it to make him happy, it depends on whether his happiness is more important to you that your discomfort. There is no right or wrong, just whichever it is for you. I'm not a fan of ass-play but it's one of my girlfriends kinks, frankly I don't really like anything to do with that part of the body but I love and will do it for her because I love her and you know what? We all do things we don't like to please our partners. My girlfriend hates soccer but sat down to watch the European championships with me. She has this one friend who I don't get on with at all because frankly I think she's a stuck up bitch but I will spend time with her because she's my girlfriends friend and it makes her happy.
There is no right or wrong here, just the decision on whether you can forego your discomfort of this to make him happy or whether you can't. Just remember OP we all make sacrifices for our partners but they have to be ones worth taking, is this a sacrifice you think is worth taking?
Some people don't like giving oral some people need oral to get off, especially women. I think the posters before me would say the opposite if you came here saying that you could only reach climax through oral and he wasn't giving it to you. There's a massive disparity when it comes to peoples views of oral between the sexes. Apparently men should be happy not getting it and women should leave guys who don't give it.
Your best off finding a guy who doesn't need blow jobs and doesn't like giving head.
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A
male
reader, unknown2u +, writes (29 June 2012):
I've told my daughters that any guy who said "if you loved me you'd ..." is a complete red flag. He's pressuring you to do something you don't want to do.
Eliminate him from your life. Period. End of story.
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A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (29 June 2012):
 I've been in exactly the same position as you. I stood my ground and said I wouldn't do what I hated doing. Oral sex is not like cooking or giving a massage or something that you can do purely to make someone else happy. It's about placing someone else's genitals inside your mouth, for Pete's sake! You cannot do anything that involves your body without your willingness. If he isn't ready to accept and understand that, he doesn't deserve to be your boyfriend. Don't give in, OP. Don't let him emotionally blackmail you into doing something you don't want to do.
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A
male
reader, Rowdy +, writes (29 June 2012):
Ahhh, thank you so much for coming here and looking for some advice and opinions!
Short answer, God no! You said this guy is long distance, that's dangerous. What I mean is, this is a HUGE step to you, I can tell that, and it's a pretty darn big one in my opinion as well. I know this may not be something you want to think about now, but you could end up giving him this very important first, and then because he's long distance, he could simply vanish from your life like a vapor. Then it has lost it's meaning; especially since he is trying to pressure you into it!
Don't doubt yourself. A large part of relationships is respect, and it is his responsibility here to respect you and your values. I know this is going to be advice you've heard before, and it may be cliche, but if he can't respect you, then he's not right for you. That's not love, it's love evil-twin, lust.
In summary, you risk giving up something important to somebody who years from now, may not be important to you. Secondly, the fact that he has continued to pressure you shows, at least to some degree, that he does not respect you. And lastly, giving in now may also lead to an uncontrollable spiral. What I mean is, first he may talk you into this, and then suddenly he's pushed you into going farther, and farther. Trust your intuition, and wait.
It's great to wait! Hope this helps :)
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A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (29 June 2012):
 No, you should not do anything that you are uncomfortable doing, and he should have respect for that.
Don't allow him to pressure you, manipulate you, or threaten you into doing something you don't want to do.
Please don't allow him to use the line "if you love me you'll do it", and by threaten, I mean if he threatens to leave you if you wont do it......then say goodbye and walk away.
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