A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hiya i'm a mum of two my son is 20 and my daughter is 17. Well, my daughter has got her first bf and someone who she has been best friends with since they were little, hes really nice and kind and isn't like most lads. In fact im really pleased that its him shes going out with as i know how much they love each other. Well, hes never got on with his mum and has recently come to live with us as she has moved about 50 miles away, i have to admit she wasn't really a mum to him at all. Well, he has been sleeping on a spare bed that he brought from home in my daughters room. I'm just wondering becasue she does need a new bed if i should let her get a double and let them sleep together. i do trust them but i've always wondered right from the start if they are having sex up to the point where i was always thinking about it. but if i let them sleep together its going to make me wonder even more. I don't know what i should do about this, what do you think? Should i let them sleep together? after all they are old enough. and if i do how do i stop wondering what they are doing and if they are having sex? should i just ask her and if so how? I don't know why i keep wondering this its not as if i could be mad or anything. How do i get the thoughts out my head?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2008): he wont be able to resist hes male jus by your daughter a new bed, let him wait
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2007): Hi. I'm Bella. I'm 27 and am married to my long to bf. I had a very similar situation happen to me maybe I can help you see it through you daughters eyes. I had just turned 17 when my bf moved in our attic with my older brother. I had known him forever and he was staying with us because his parents where fighting. I very much loved my bf, now husband simon, so I was very excited when he moved in. My mom worked all the time so we never got to talk, my dad past when I was 8. She didn't seem to think what we might do at home alone. I was very nervouse when he asked me what I thought have haveing sex but I told him I want to love him forever. We did end up haveing protected sex, though i don't regret it becasue now we are married but sometimes i wish I had been a little older. If my mom had talked to me I probly would have waited, but my not knowing much just made me more eager to find out waht it was. So even though both of you might feel a little embaraced, she always secretly be glad. Oh, and make sure you talk to her alone first him being there would make it all the more awkward! Hope this helps and I know you will make the right choice mom's are good that way. =)
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A
female
reader, charli 1603 +, writes (12 November 2007):
 i think that you need to speak to the daughter.
she's 17 now, and seeing as they already share a room, i should think they're probably in and out of ach others beds anyway.
speak to her, find out her views on the subject.
as long as she's safe, who cares?
she is bound to do it somewhere, so it may as well be in her own home.
good luck
charli x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2007): jesus a lot of people on here are mad!i completely think you should allow themt o share a room! good keep with the times.but before you get a double bed talk to your daughter first, ask whether shed like a double bed or not... she may like the fact that no double bed = no sex. it may be a good excuse for her you never know. this topic of conversation could lead onto you finding out whether she has/ hasnt/ is plannign to have sex with her bf. and then you guys can talk about stuff.just be as open as possible with her.., then you wont feel curious about their sex life cos maybe shell tell you about it.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (11 November 2007):
 As a mother of three, two of which are daughters, I have to side with Lizz on this. Buying a double bed might make you a "cool mom" for the moment but it doesn't make you a responsible one. Sometimes parents are the girl's best excuse to refuse sex, it saves face for both parties. He should also be staying in a different room. I'm sure he is a nice guy but 17 is too young for a parent to let her daughter shack up with her boyfriend under her own roof. I assume you have had the discussion about marriage, commitment, and safe sex with your daughter?! If not you had better start talking. You will feel very bad about this decision down the road if they part ways.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2007): Phill
there always is double standards in life i think what Lizz is trying to point out is alough mothers know there daughters are having sex with their boyfriends they don't promote it, also its more important that this mum makes sure her daughter is protecting herself with contraception or they could all end up with more than they bargained for. my view as a mum of 2 daughters both over age of consent none married NO sorry they are both too young for this kind of commitment they should be out having fun plus she should make him sleep in another room even the couch, but def not in her daughters room what a re you thinking!!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2007): Lizz - I detect a little double standard here. Some recent Q & A's:-
August 26th, Female aged 13-15. "I'm a virgin. He's convinced me to have sex, I'm nervous, any tips???" To which you replied "there isn't much to it. You just lie there and let him do most of the work . . . etc"
August 26th, Male aged 16-17. "is it normal when I've got an erection my penis doesn't point to the ceiling???" To which you replied that you'd seen a few which point all over the place but then tell him to "Get the show on the road and go for it man."
How do these answers tie up with the reply you gave here, to a mother with a daughter who is above the age of consent?
Phil
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A
female
reader, blondie 12  +, writes (11 November 2007):
 well it's going to happen sooner or later when or if i have kids i would not mind there girlfriend or boy friend sleepover it's going to happen insted of getting in trouble by doing it outside and getting cought trust her she might make the right choise if your consered about a baby give her a comdom and say i trust you don't dissaponit me and if she makes the rong choise don't be hard on her give her a choise do you want to keep the baby or not eater way be seported you mit be a cool mum and make other mum s jelouse cuz your so kool
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2007): Just a comment to Lizz. If you think that they are not going to have sex somewhere else if they want to, then you are deluding yourself. I do understand that you don't want to make it easier for them, but experimenting on their own, without some guidance, will increase the chances of an unwanted pregnancy. Would you rather have them have unprotected sex in the back of a car, or would you rather talk to your daughter about safe sex. You can still communicate your moral opinions on what she should do, but if you just dictate those morals and not earn her trust, then she will not allow you to know what she is doing or ask for advice. I don't mean that a parent should encourage sex for their children, but to discuss it with them in a way that gains their trust.
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A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (11 November 2007):
 My boyfriend moved in with me and my family and my parents let us sleep together because they would rather me have sex in doors then out doors incase we got in trouble, the fact is there probably having sex anyway its a natural thing and there in love just talk it over with them and make sure there being careful.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2007): That is a very good point that Phil makes in his last paragraph. Not only will you become the cool mum in both of their eyes, but they will both feel comfortable talking to you about any concerns or problems that they may have. Knowing that they are practicing sex responsibly, if they are at all, may also lessen your fears.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2007): Hi Hun,
Im a mum and my 2 older boys have both got double beds and I have no problem with girlfriends sleeping over, They are going to at some point going to have sex its a natural part of growing up, Ive always been open and honest with them about sex and I can only hope they are as respossible as they seem to have turned out.
Its something only you can feel happy about hunny as its your home and your rules. hope everything turns out well for you love mandy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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female
reader, Lizz +, writes (11 November 2007):
 A mother with any decency would not allow her daughter to share a bed (or even a room for that matter) with any man besides her husband. Whether or not you trust your daughter should not come in as a factor. She is still young enough to be impulsive. The last thing you need is for her to have an illegitimate child. Be a parent and split the two up before things take a sudden turn. You're the responsible one here.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2007): If they're going to have sex they will, whether it's under your roof or somewhere else. I imagine that at their age, sleeping in such close proximity, the temptation would get the better of them even if they'd decided not to indulge unless they were possessed of a great deal of willpower. (Or should that be 'won't power'?)
If you want to be discreet about it, next time you change their bedding, check for the remains of the 'wet patch' or condom wrappers in the rubbish bin. Far easier to ask them straight out though, but make sure to let them know you've got nothing against it or you'll be likely to get a negative reply.
Alternatively, ask them if they'd like a double bed. If yes, make sure they're taking all necessary precautions to avoid pregnancy, like making sure she's on the pill for instance. You might suddenly become a 'cool' mum in your daughter's eyes!
Phil
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