A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i have been with my husband for ten years and had a fantastic life together for a very long time untill one day he come onto my pregnant 17 year old sister who told his no! 2 years passed and i forgave him and married him ,after being marrid for a year my brother in law come onto me so i pushed him away many times until one day i gave in .a year has gone by and i left my husband to be with his brother who moved in with me .after 4 weeks of him living with me he went back to his x-girlfriend and told me he had to be with his kids.he told me that he loved me and he wanted to be with me.i have told my husband the truth about everything and we are now back together but i am still in love with my brother in law i can not concentrate on anything .i have been honest with my husband about everything.my husband can give me a better life than his brother but it is his brother that i want to spend the rest of my life with what should i do???my husband still wants to be with me but everytime he tries having sex with me it makes my skin crawl and all i think about is his brother.do i leave my husband or not?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2010): Your poor husband. Since you do not love him please please be kind and perhaps decent enough to divorce him and allow him to find the right woman for himself . You do not want him to touch you yet yiou want the financial benefits he can provide. This means that you are using him. So please stop. Your husbands brother has made a choice and he has chosen his gf and their kids. Respect him for this decision and please do not try to coerse him again. Do not force him and please do not use sex to try and get him back. At least he istrying toi now do the right thing for his family. I think you have a lot of growing up to do -you cannot move from one brother to another, and vice versa.this situation is not healthy for anyone especially not your kids and your husband. Your kids will be confused and even terrified of their family being disrupted again because mummy is moving bacj and forth between dad and their uncle. Not healthy at all. Instead of prolonging the inevitable end your marriage decently and try to find peace in your life. Try to do the right thing and also understand what marriage entails. It entails fidelity meaning forsaking all others. So it seems that you and your extended family unit don't respect marital boundaries: you are keeping it in the family. It may work in the movies but in real life it causes hurt and betrayal and it destroys lives. So I think a learning curve here: learn to respect yourself, your kids and family unit. Choices have been made and now each one has to live with the consequences.you may claim to love your hbs brother but he bolted after 4 weeks of living with you. A mere 4 weeks! It shows that you were only good enough to run around with but not good enough to build a lie with. What exactly is the relationshio bet the two brothers. Can you face this mans gf and kids? Family gatherings? I sadly believe you are the only one who invested in the affair. And you are now paying for it. Your hb should not be saddled with someone who doesn't love him. And you don't . Plse please use this turmoil to make a clean break and realise that going forward some relationship are Never meant to be. It is just too taboo. Its Decision time so please choose wisely......
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2010): Wow, I feel sorry for your husband. DO the right thing and give him a divorce and then get yourself fixed so you can't reproduce.
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A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (16 May 2010):
 Well, now. After you left your husband to be with your brother-in-law, what happened? Your b.i.l. lived with you exactly four weeks before moving out and telling you he has to be with his kids. (Some commitment, huh? Said he loved you, BUT you know, actions speak louder than words!)
You said you have been honest with your husband about everything - except of course that you are still in love with your brother-in-law - though if you hoped to reconcile with your husband I suppose you could hardly tell him THAT.
Do you have children? If so, you'll have to decide what is best for them. Their welfare (and not what you want or do not want) is more important than anything else.
If you don't have children, you're going to have to make up your mind as to whether you're prepared to put the b.i.l. (who apparently does not want to be with you) out of your heart and mind and really concentrate on caring for your husband and thinking about what you like about HIM. Maybe get some professional counseling would be a good idea to help you both get back on track.
HOWEVER, if after serious thought, you feel you can not continue with your husband, then you'll have to think hard about how you're going to live and have enough money to pay bills, rent, etc., on your own. It's up to you.
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