A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband cheated on me. He asked me for an open relationship but I didn't want that. We split up, I moved out into my own apt. He still keeps me at arms length. We still have sex a few times a week. So, how stupid am I at this point? I know he is sleeping with other women and I am sleeping with other men. He gets what he wanted so to speak. Why do I keep giving myself and my love to this man? He must not truly love me to treat me this way, right? Is he just selfish and cruel? How much longer do I put up with this convenient relationship? It's been almost a year now. I am dis-respecting myself at this point. Damn him! What do I do? Fight for my husband and marriage or walk away?
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cheated on me, moved out, split up Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGlorified Sex Object, interesting choice of words. I guess I need to repair my self esteem and just sleeping with my husband for the hell of it while he sleeps with other women...is not helping at all. I want to be a man's First Choice not standing in line when it's convenient timing. Why doesn't my husband just let me go and move on? Why doesn't he initiate the divorce proceedings? Instead, of using me and torturing me like this. One of us has to make the move and be strong enough! This is simply not a healthy, loving, caring lifestyle.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, of course "he" doesn't have a problem with this new relationship bs! He gets me and my unconditional love then he gets to have fun sleeping with God knows who. Stringing along how many different women and maybe not truly caring about any of us in the end. I have always been there for him no matter what and he is just taking full advantage of that. I need to walk away at some point for my self respect, exactly. I need to be strong and move on. Maybe, we just truly are not right for each other. And that's okay.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2011): What are you fighting for? Your husband wants no strings sex with you and anyone he pleases and that's what he's got. You probably have sex with other men to try and get a reaction out of him. I guess even threatening divorce doesn't work, as it is you that has the most emotional investment and can't let go of this relationship.
He cheated on you and now he's doing it with your "permission/knowledge" unless your comfortable with being a sex buddy, why not just get a divorce and start a new..lots of men out there that will treat youwith the respect and honor you deserve..or don't you deserve to be anything more than a glorified sexual object? Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2011): If you don't want an open marriage then stop sleeping with him.
I will be honest I want a poly marriage. I want to have my husband and my special "friend"
Husband who I love and adore said he can't take it and he moved out...
we are talking and spending some time together but not having sex... he can't cope. we are seeing if we can save the marriage....
I can't/won't give up my friend but I love both of them so it's hard for me.
If you are not happy then you need to walk away like my DH did. My loss I guess.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2011): Damn him?
With all due respect I think you should be saying damn yourself.
If the sexes were reversed I don't think you would be blaming yourself for continuing to have sex with him when you both seem to want it. If he had a problem with that situation then it would be his duty to speak up and change something.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2011): You didn't want an open relationship but now that is what you have got. If you carry on sleeping with him, that is what you will still have. Why are you disrespecting yourself?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 March 2011):
 What husband ? what marriage ?...
You are more like FWB now.
You don't live together, he keeps you at arms length yet he get to have sex with you whenever he wants. While he is sleeping with other women. He did get to eat his cake and keep it too.
Then again,you are sleeping with other men too. Probably out of loneliness, out of desperation, ...and yet, these are just shreds of a marriage . I think you should quickly dispose of the marriage leftovers- apparently this is not giving you a lot of joy.
When to stop this convenient relationship ..... what about, like, yesterday ?
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A
male
reader, MikeEa1  +, writes (7 March 2011):
 this is a common way to wind down a relationship. it is no good for you and suits him. you should reduce your number of partners so you can think about them more as partners. although sex is good it is the companionship that brings people together in the longer term. you have to cut ties with your husband who is using you as a sex object. you need and deserve more than that.
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