A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm in my first relationship, and things are going well, but I feel unappreciated and like I've lost myself in this relationship. My boyfriend and I are college students and usually spend several hours together everyday including weekends. However, right now he's out of town on vacation with his family. Even though he's gone we still communicate through msn, but he usually cuts our conversations short by saying that he's sleepy or he wants to hang out with his cousins. I understand that he needs time away from me, but I feel unappreciated when he only carves out a small amount of time from his day to talk to me, and usually it's so late at night that there's really no point in him talking to me anyway.I also feel like I've lost a part of myself; I've noticed that when we're together we mostly do things that he likes, like watching fights on tv or listening to music that he likes. He's even come to my house and complained about what I was watching to the point that I couldn't take it anymore and I just let him watch his shows. He's admitted to having control issues and anger management problems in his past, but he claims to have moved on from that. These things obviously worry me because sometimes I feel like he's trying to control what we do together, and when I speak against it he thinks I'm being mean. So what should I do? I don't love him because I haven't been with him a long time, but I really care for him and want this relationship to work. I've talked to him about appreciating me more by taking me on more dates, and he's agreed to do that when he comes back, but between now and then I still feel like he's taking me for granted by cutting our conversations short. I've thought about just ignoring him and his calls for a few days, but what if I'm overreacting? I'm so confused :(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2010): it seems like he is taking you for granted but be careful bc you don't want to make him lose control if he has anger issues. i would think very long and hard about whether this is a relationship i want to be in, because if this is what it's like now it's bound to only get worse the more involved you get with him! and that's nothing to do with you, that's just generally the way these things unfold! maybe you could try subtly being less available and making him work for it a little harder (that's what i'm in the middle of doing now working great haha) but again, i would say be careful and think about whether you want this just for now or as a long term thing. good luck!
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