A
female
age
36-40,
*wan
writes:Should I go through with an abortion? My partner and I have been together for a year and recently have been arguing none stop about our financial situation, it resulted in me having a one night stand and I have just found out that I am pregnant. I don't know who is the father or what to do... Please help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2011): Abortion is not a dirty word: it is a necessity especially in the OPs situation. I have more respect for women who terminate than for a woman to have a baby and claim her hb/bf is the father when he is not.You were fighting with your bf with regard to your finances, now you will be in a bigger financial dwang if you have this baby. Choices and consequences: this baby is unwanted/unplanned. Do not complicate your life even more with this unplanned kid. In this harsh economic climate you will be doing yourself a disservice if you had a kid and neglected it through financial difficulties/life stresses or merely because you are a single mother.Make the responsible choice.LoveGirl
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2011): I had an abortion a few months ago. People tell you it is fine and that most people are relieved after it. It is and agonising experience I was on all fours on the ground in agony unable to move. After it I felt so disgusted with myself. It was the biggest mistake I ever made in my life and will always regret it. I am in no way trying to scare you about it just letting you know from experience it isn't as easy as people say it is. You have to make sure you deffinetly know deep down if you could do this. Or if infact you couldn't handle it. Perhaps it is yóur husbands baby. When you go for your scan they will tell you how many weeks it is and you can try and work it out with the dates. I wish you luck and if you would like to talk to me about it then I would be very happy to mail you and talk you through the whole process. People think abortion is an easy option but it isn't it is a very traumatising experience x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2011):
I will be the realistic one here - I think you should get an abortion. I don't think it's immoral as long as you're still in the first several months of the pregnancy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2011): YOU made the choice to cheat and have a knee-trembler, and now you want us to help you get out of it? Can you see where you got it wrong, there?
Does he know what you did?
Does he know that you are pregnant? With possibly someone else's child?
If you don't abort, stay together and fool him into thinking that the child is hos, apart from being immoral he could go to court and sue you for fraud for all the associated expenses involved in raising a child that wasn't his - UK case law has already established that.
I expect that either I will get flamed for this or the Mods will not post it, but I'm simply expressing a view to counter all the over-weaning sympathy that you have had so far, in the interest of balance.
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A
male
reader, SScooter43  +, writes (10 May 2011):
Before you have an abortion, you should calm down and really think about all of your options (adaption is a good option). Also, do some research on the all the options (since you have the internet, doing research should be easy for you).
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (10 May 2011):
 An abortion is your decision and yours alone. However, even if you abort, it may get rid of the effects of your cheating, but it won't get rid of the thing that made you cheat in the first place.
This is not how you solve fights. This is not how you respond to conflict. Your partner fighting with you didn't result in you cheating on him with a one night stand. You chose to do it, and the decision is yours and only yours. Other people have responded to fights by working to resolve them or breaking up. You did it to salve how you feel and for revenge, because if your partner ever found out that you cheated on him, he would feel betrayal and devastation.
You shouldn't try and cover up your mistakes. Whatever you choose to do about your pregnancy, you need to come clean with your partner about the cheating and let him decide how to proceed, because what you did was far worse than any argument you could have about money.
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A
male
reader, latinoheat +, writes (10 May 2011):
This is your choice no one can answer this question for you. Why should that child suffer for a mistake you made? There are other situations that are far worse than yours. I say you seek help before making any decision like this. I feel bad for your husband more than anyone. Did you tell him that its his baby? And if he knows its not than why would he even thank about still being with you. Now its none on my buisness. And not trying to be funny but the MAURY show is always an option to find out who the father is
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2011): Why do you feel you need an abortion? Because you had a one night stand and didn't use protection? Because you're scared of what your boyfriend will think? Or some other reason.
The first step for you is to identify why you feel an abortion is necessary. If it's because you realized you made a mistake, I'm not sure that that reason is quite good enough.
If you don't want to keep the baby or take care of it, you can always give it up for adoption. You run the risk of angering your boyfriend if the baby isn't his, but it already sounds like your relationship isn't going very well.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2011): Take a deep breath and try and relax, I am sure that must feel very hard right now, but try and have a nice bath and a nice walk to relax a bit first. Then you should pick a good time to deal with this as responsibly as you can and put your baby first, ask yourself if you can be a good mother, if you have enough love to give then you will find a way through, if not there are so many people out there that would love to adopt a child who can not have there own, consider adopting the child. I personally feel that woman never really get over abortion if they go through with it. Logically some might think they do, but deep down I have seen it in many womans/girls eyes that I have known or worked with over the years and they always feel as if they have done something bad. I believe this is the truth for all woman. All the best, I am sure you will do what is right for yourself and make a good decision. I'm sorry you felt bad about your life and relationship to have an affair, perhaps things will get much better once you can calmly look at things and talk things over with your partner, you probably owe it to yourself to find out where you stand with him.
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (10 May 2011):
 I think you are the only one who can make this decision. It does sound to me that you are not in the best position to keep it but remember that adoption is also an option. In the end it is your choice and you are not wrong for making that choice. I'm sure you will be supported in whatever you choose.
Take your time and think about your choice so that you know it is what you want to do for sure.
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A
female
reader, lovehelper123 +, writes (10 May 2011):
 Oh honey, that's no good. Well if you don't know the father I think that abortion would be fine. I'm not all for it, but you have to think do you want to keep the baby or not?
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