A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am in a really unsure position right now. Tommorow Im going to this social night out and there will be this girl there who I have a big crush on. Now I havent seen her in around 2-3 months and that time she did have a crush on me. However I was ill at this time and couldnt ask her out as I needed surgery or I would have became crippled/get cancer. Now tommorow will be the first time Ive seen her since but 2-3 weeks ago when talking to one of her friends she told me that she is sort of seeing someone. Looking at her social network profile she still classes herself as single to this day so I have no idea if she is still seeing this person. Now I should point out lately things have been terrible for me; overlooking the surgery and not being able to ask her out a lot of other bad things keep happening to me and it's caused a huge bout of depression so much so that Ive been recommended for anti-depressants. If I go tommorow and she is still seeing that guy and he is there then I will feel even worse than I do now and if I stay at home I will still feel rather down just not as bad. So should I go out this night or not?Also I dont need to hear about things like "you shouldnt worry" or "plenty more fish in the sea" or anything of that nature because regardless of any answer like that it wont stop me feeling bad if things mess up.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2010): I'm a doctor and feel very sorry for you! If you're depressed, your thoughts aren't rational! People who are depressed OFTEN view acts of true love and kindness with skepticism. So now is not the time to ask her out or evaluate her feelings towards you! You won't be your attractive self when depressed, and you won't have your normal confidence! That being said you SHOULD go out just to be with friends and do things. But don't worry about trying to impress anyone -- if you're depressed IT WON'T WORK!
Depression is a health problem just like asthma or diabetes. Get it treated first. The best treatment is pharmacological (antidepressant) plus therapy. Talk this over with a psychologist! He can be VERY helpful to help you sort what is the depression talking and what is you talking. Depression is VERY treatable and is not something to be ashamed about. It is NOT part of your personality, but a terrible disease that would best be completely eradicated from the face of the earth!
I know from personal experience how hard it can be to deal with girls when you're depressed. No one who hasn't gone through it can EVER know how hard it is. I think it's particularly hard for us guys because women look primarily for confidence in men, and that's EXACTLY what depression robs from us.
When depressed, I went from feeling terrible and totally unattractive to now having girls throw themselves at me when I don't even know why (even the super hot and very cool one who is now my loving girlfriend!). Hang in there, man, in time you will learn from what you went through and women will find you IMMENSELY attractive because of your ability to recognize your emotions. You will be WAY ahead of other typical dips*$t guys after you get through this and I really mean it. Hang in there, buddy!
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