A
female
age
36-40,
*30ff
writes:To cut a long story short, my boyfriend cheated on me so we split up and i slept with one of our guy mates. We sorted things out and got back together but promised we wouldnt go to town at night without each other. Its my best friends 21st and i told her me and my bf would go but the guy i slept with will be there so my bf isnt going. Now i dont no whether to go and break a prmoise to my bf or stay with him and annoy my best friend. Help!
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best friend, cheated on me, got back together, split up Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Share Bear +, writes (25 November 2010):
 Aww, hon- it'd be a real shame to miss your best friend's 21st!Did your boyfriend initially agree to go with you?Talk to your boyfriend and see if you can't mutually agree some way around this. -United front.Explain to him how important if for you, but that it has NOTHING to do with this other chap being there.Could you go out for a meal with her beforehand? -Or take her for coffee and shopping during the day? -Could you get him to agree to just go for a couple of drinks, or agree not to stay out past a certain time? Pubs, not clubs, even? Could you go out dressed in some fun couple fancy dress- Fred and Wilma, Arwen and Aragorn- whatever's your tipple, to portray a united front?Above all, include him in genuine consultation on this, and also include your friend. Make it clear that you WANT to make them both happy, and then work towards a compromise to best achieve that.I still remember my 21st, I still have the photos... it'd be a real shame to miss your best friend's night altogether.
A
female
reader, raiders  +, writes (25 November 2010):
 I would advise you to tell your boyfriend that this party is really important for you and that you really want to go. Ask him to come along and and also mention to him that you might resent him if he tries to make you not go since she is your best friend. I hope it works out for you and that you get to go to the party without causing trouble in your relationship.
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A
female
reader, r30ff +, writes (24 November 2010):
r30ff is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, thats what i was thinkin, i do live with this girl tho, could be awkward!
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A
female
reader, r30ff +, writes (24 November 2010):
r30ff is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, thats what i was thinkin, i do live with this girl tho, could be awkward!
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (24 November 2010):
you broke a promise of being exclusive in the relationship already, your boyfriend and you sign a treaty saying neither one will go out without the other, this is the consequence of cheating and I'm afraid I have to side with your man on this one. Stay home and don't go out.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (24 November 2010):
 You should go. You made the rules too quickly. He's the one who broke your trust first, if I were the one making the rules he automatically lost the privilege to make decisions. Even though your cheating was out of revenge, for him that doesn't make you better than him. He can choose not to go because him being there is humiliating, but he can't tell you not to go. He's not worth you disappointing your friend. Call him several times at the party and come back at the time your promised. You can celebrate your friend's birthday, make her happy, without drinking can't you?
Just remember getting a revenge feels good at the moment, but it's to your disadvantage. Now he doesn't feel like he has to do anything to win you back because you are even.
If you decide not to go to the party, you are basically telling him you don't have self restraint, you need to be controlled. Never give that kind of power away.
If he has a problem with that, just break up with him.
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A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave +, writes (24 November 2010):
it's a tough one to call as you've made a promise to your boyfriend, but the birthday girl is also your best friend.
reading between the lines I'm guessing your boyfriend cheated on you while on a night out in town and that's what has led to this promise being made.
you're boyfriend is clearly uncomfortable with the 21st birthday party situation as he has chosen not to go.
have you discussed this? has he asked you not to go too? are you comfortable going knowing nothing will happen again with this other bloke?
obviously your best friend is going to be upset too at you not going, if that's what you do. have you spoken to your best friend about it? Is it something worth falling out over? friends should be for life remember.
but you should consider the following:
- what has your boyfriend said about you possibly going on your own?
- in relationships, you should be allowed independent time to yourselves (admittedly I can see why there is an issue here though)
- would you best friend understand and accept why you would not go, if that's what you choose?
I know I am not giving you an answer here as to whether you should go or not but that's because it's not my decision.
Ultimately you have to decide between your boyfriend and best friend. I can only give you some guidance, as above, which I hope will make your decision easier.
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