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Should I give up my great relationship for the girl that came back?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Long distance, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 January 2005) 1 Answers - (Newest, 4 May 2005)
A , anonymous writes:

I am a 32 year old man. Nearly four years ago, I met a girl through a mutual friend. My friend knew that this girl was being cheated on and generally being treating badly by her boyfriend, but wanted her to meet a "nice guy", and thought we would be good together. We got on very well indeed, and she was clearly very keen on me, and although we only ever kissed, she had an enormous effect on me. Sadly, when her boyfriend moved to a different country, she decided to go with him - because she still loved him.

Two years after she left to be with her boyfriend, her relationship had disintegrated, and she was back in this country. According to what she has told me, she realised she'd made a huge mistake, and has been trying to find me for over a year now. I had moved several times, changed my job, and phone numbers, and our mutual friend managed to avoid giving her my details, (and also didn't tell me that she was looking for me - I think because she didn't want me hurt again, and knew I was in a relationship). I had put her right out of my mind, thinking that I'd never see her again.

After several relationships, I met my present girlfriend. We've been seeing each other for a year, and moved in together about 5 months ago. She is a very lovely woman, who is good to me, and we've been very happy together.

However, recently I bumped into the girl I met four years ago, and I have been in turmoil ever since.

As soon I saw her, I knew I still had incredibly strong feelings for her, and she made little effort to hide her happiness to see me again. We have since met up on several occasions, but are still being very chaste, and have only kissed and held each other. But the feelings I have for this girl are immense. I hesitate to use the 'L' word, but I can't remember feeling like this before. I believe her when she says that she feels the same, and doesn't want to make the same mistake twice. I feel terrible that I may bail out on a perfectly happy and workable relationship, and a woman that loves me.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2005):

Yes, you so should get back with her! I know that if I was that girl and then I would feel horrible if you didn't! I mean, if she's great then date her, but if you're in love with the other one, then don't!

Sorry buddy, but this one you need to know how you feel for the both of them! Personally I think that you should do something I have been told for the longest time - follow your heart!

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