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male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I no longer love my wife and we have little in common. I see that it was an error to marry her, but I don't want to hurt her (let alone my kids, 5 and 1 year old).I love another woman. We were never together. I'm sure it's the strongest passion I ever felt. I can't forget her, this is going on for years. I see her often due to work. Never told her. I believe she doesn't love me.What is the right thing to do? Should I follow my feelings or my obligations? Either way, I see little chance of becoming happy. Can I ever be happy again? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, GenuineGuy  +, writes (11 December 2006):
I know exactly how you feel.
Does you wife still love and want you ? Mine sure doesn't
It is the most amazingly hard thing in the world for a bloke to consider leaving his kids and I don't have an answer except to say that all the advice I have had is that you cant stay together for the kids.
On the other hand is this thing with your other woman going anywhere ? Maybe not if she doesn't even know.
A
female
reader, beentheredonethat +, writes (11 December 2006):
 Ok...I think you need to know what you define as happy.
also....you need to define passion and love.
just because you have a crush/obsession/attraction to another woman......Does not mean you are not happy.....don't love your wife.....should leave your family in order to pursue a maybe.
Good lord....you said the other woman doesn't even love you and you have never been together.....yet you want to toss away three lives for her? Do your children mean so little to you?
Believe me...it is easy to start having fantasies about someone besides your spouse. It is not love....it is not lasting....it is a possible attraction. which when that one fades....what are you on to the next thing that catches your eye?
Everyone has people who they get a bit infatuated with from time to time. My own eye has fallen on many with whom I am pretty sure i could have had a very nice time. But because I am most patient and study the person first, sometimes for years, I do not make the mistake of thinking the grass is greener.
Take a deep breath and begin to notice every single thing you would give up if you left your family. Could you really go for days without setting eyes on those little ones? What ever you decide....do not do it rashly. Decide with haste, repent with leisure.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2006): you say this has bene going on with the other woman for years yet you impregnanted your wife twice and continue to question your love for her????
Well, honestly I think you would be doing your wife and kids a favour to tell her whats been going on and be with this other woman...at least then she has a chance of meeting someone else and providing a stable family to her children (not a father who is not in love with their mum) Perhaps you too will find happiness with this other woman....
Honestly , I think is always the best policy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2006): By saying you "No longer love your wife" means you used to love her. You loved her so much you married her and had children. Have you spoken to a professional about your feelings? If not, I think you should before you make a decision that you might regret.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2006):
Sac up. You have obligations and you are still better off than 95% of the people on the planet.
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