A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Right...After a year and a half, my boyfriend broke up with me. It was completely out of the blue for me, and I took it extremely hard. I constantly asked him "Are you sure you want this?" and "Are you honestly happy?" and he always said yes. Everytime I tried to speak to him he wanted nothing to do with me. A week after we broke up he started seeing some girl, then later on I found out he was seeing another girl who I've never really liked. I felt completely heartbroken and almost numb for a month or two. I lost all self respect and messed around with two guys in the space of two months. No sex...to make it clear. But my ex recently started telling me he still loved me and missed me. We went out and promised to be friends but he kept hugging me and kissing me. I was extremely happy at the thought of us getting back together, because I had been miserable for the past two months. I have very low self esteem, and he knows this, so the minute a boy made me feel attractive, well...I can be easily charmed anyway. I feel sick to my stomach when I think about being with other people, he's the only person I've ever had sex with, I'm just glad I didn't cross that line. Anyway, I told him recently that I did these things with these people, one of which he used to be friends with, but this guy's always been a closer to me. He said I've broken his heart, and he feels sick about it and disgusted, but I just feel he would never have let me go if he loved me, and I feel like I shouldn't feel guilty about this because I was single and I had no idea he'd ever want me back. I regret it all now. Do you think I am right to not feel guilty about my actions? I appreciate all feedback. :)
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broke up, heartbroken, kissing, my ex, self esteem Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the feedback guys. We're working things out, but I refuse to feel bad about this, we either move past it or I find someone who's mature enough to understand that when you break up with someone, you cannot control anything they do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2010): You shoudln't feel guilty, you did nothing wrong. You expressed your emotions and searched security in other men. I know freinds who wouldve done more then messing around and more than two boys in two months.You maintained your self respect.As for your ex, i would strongly recommend you give him up and search for someone who wont say hurtful things and break your heart twice.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2010): If he was already screwing around, then you had the right to screw around too. I'm sure this hurts his feelings now that you're back together but it's not fair to you to hold this double standard.
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A
female
reader, LustyMisa  +, writes (7 January 2010):
 I don't think you did anything wrong, he broke up with you so you have every right to have fun or do whatever makes you feel good about yourself in the meantime. If he can't handle it its his problem, tho he sounds like a manipulative kind of guy who's trying to play on your insecurities, which is not the kind of guy any girl needs to have in her life.
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