A
male
age
36-40,
*rickgomez
writes:I been talking to this girl for the past 4 months and when I met her she just gotten out of a relationship with a guy she has a daughter with. This guy lives in another state and about a month ago he came down to see his daughter and in the process he proposed to her and told her that he was a changed man etc etc. He was here for two weeks and during that time we had a little argument and stopped talking. She texted me a couple of weeks ago and told me that she loved me and couldn't stop thinking about me. So we started talking again and she told me that she decided to give this guy a second chance because of the baby and also that he was going to move down here in a few months but she didn't want to lose me. We been hanging out since then and unfortunately I have to see her everyday since we both go to the same college. My last day of school is this Friday, and I'm thinking about not seeing her or calling again. I have strong feelings towards this girl, and as a matter of fact I haven't felt like this in a long time but I feel like if I continue seeing her I will just get myself deep in the hole and eventually things are just going to turn worst for the both of us. So I'm trying to figure out what is best for me in this situation and how to handle it. Like I said I am thinking about not contacting her again and not even giving her an explanation because in a few months when her fiance moves back nothing is going to matter anyway. But is this the best way to handle the situation? Is there a possibility that if I continue seeing her she would realize that I'm a better person for her? Because I know that she is not going to be happy with him. Well good or bad your opinion is appreciated. Thank you
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male
reader, erickgomez +, writes (24 March 2011):
erickgomez is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey guys thanks for the reply's. Today I let her go I told her that I was gonna lose all contact with her. It is hard because I really care for the girl but right now I think is for the best. She was very understanding herself she even said that she felt the same way. But thank you guys for everything. I guess this is another failed relationship for me.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2011): Lose contact, i would do the same. If he wants to give another guy a second chance, then she might not care much about you. You already accepted her kid, so why worry about about not having a dad for her kid.
She already knows how good you are. If you stay she'll want both guys but if you go, she see that she can't get every thing she wants and she'll have to make a choice.
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A
female
reader, MamaBear +, writes (22 March 2011):
This young mother has a major problem only she can solve. If the father of the child intends to come soon, I see no reason for you to hang around in the picture. A ready-made family is a big responsibility. Are you ready for this? But, my concern is that the father's intention is to be a part of the child's life. You need to seriously consider just where in this scenario you fit in now and/or in the future. My suggestion is that this young woman has to find out just what the father of her child intends. He needs to help with support and for the next 18 or so years. I suggest you step out of the picture for the next year and let the couple work through their immediate problems and relationship. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (22 March 2011):
 In general, you should never date single mothers, especially before your 40's. You will always be second place to their child, and you will never be rid of the father. You can do much better.
However, the deciding factor in this case is that you are putting yourself in the position of being a backup choice, rather than a primary choice. You are showing little respect for yourself. So long as you are willing to wait for her while she pursues a relationship for another man, she will never see that you are the better choice - because you *aren't* the better choice.
Reverse the situation. How much respect would you have for a girl who would wait for you, pining for your memory, while you went and tried to start a relationship with another girl? Even if things didn't work out with the main girl, would you ever respect the one you went back to later? Would it be fair to her to make her wait? Why would she want a guy who puts her in such an unfair position, or allow herself to be put in it?
You will be happier with yourself and more attractive to others if you wish her the best of luck, cut all contact, and move on without looking back.
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