A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I have been in a very volitile relationship for 2 years. We have been living together. When we fight it gets really bad. The rest of the time we are not abusive, though sometimes we both feel like we have to walk on eggshells. He did things that I was uncomfortable with in the beginning. I must have too. We have both done bad things to each other. I was violenta few times but stopped over a year ago. He continued and it got worse. much worse. I feel like I acted so badly in response to him. He says the same. But I know that he showed red flags from the very beginning that I overlooked. I loved him so.My question is I want to contact an ex of his that he said they had an abusive relationship. I wonder if that is a bad idea. I want to know how much of it was me and how much is him. He has admitted to slapping and choke holding his ex wife once. He admitted pushing a girlfriend and shaking another. I feel so dumb.
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female
reader, belize  +, writes (8 May 2011):
 The warnings signs are there... you don't need to contact his previous partners,as the truth is staring you in the face. Physical/mental abusive is unhealthy.
You cant change him, he has to change himself, step back and look at him, and ask yourself is it worth it. Listen to that little voice inside of you... Then you will find the answer.
A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (7 May 2011):
 you need to sort out your issues and he needs to sort out his. i do not see the point of asking his ex to confirm that he was violent with her too, he has already told you what he has done. it is also pointless trying to figure out which one of you is mostly to blame. the clear fact is is that you both seem to have anger issues so until you both get help your relationship will remain violent
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A
female
reader, BeckyHugs +, writes (7 May 2011):
Hi, I was in an abusive relationship 2 years ago, and I was very young and with an older guy. When we were together his ex girlfriend had spread, what was thought as rumours at the time, that he had abused her and hit her a lot. I wish I had listen and got out sooner. Now though, cause im still in touch with his family, I've heard of him being with someone else, and if they were being abused by him I'd want them to get in contact with me and ask me. So yeah ask his ex! Thats just my opinion though hun! Hope everything turns out okay x
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