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Should I become promiscuous?

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (19 February 2011) 6 Answers - (Newest, 26 May 2011)
A male United States age 30-35, *amen Somasu writes:

I will come out and say it: due to a bad and nonexistent upbringing, I used to be the "nice guy" with very little luck. I am 24 years old and I have been with only 7 women in my life (mostly due to luck). Due to fortune and the great advice from an old workmate of mine, I am catching up (with great speed) to the ACTUAL way relationships work today, how it became so, why it become so, the past, and so on (and I am still reading).

Knowing what I know about women now, I have to say that I have completely changed. Three months ago, I was still that oblivious guy that thought that one day I will meet the love of my life, get married, have kids, etc, etc. Now, there is no way I would ever get married (more for the financial implications that divorce holds) and I can never trust a women completely.

So what am I left with? Should I just let loose? I am a fairly good looking guy and, looking back in time, I have had women and girls fall in love with me. Although by also looking back, and knowing what I know now, I would have said "no" to them anyway.

I still, foolishly, hold a very small hope of having that white-picket fence, have kids running around and tease a potential wife about how great her cooking is. Or am I still missing something?

View related questions: divorce

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A female reader, youngandrestless Canada +, writes (26 May 2011):

youngandrestless agony auntwell buddy i hope your ready for a long life of never being satisfied or truly love by a woman because from the sounds of it no woman would ever put up with your "philosophies" or jerk attitude. good luck

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A male reader, Jamen Somasu United States +, writes (4 March 2011):

Jamen Somasu is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Jamen Somasu agony aunt@ Nime

Sorry lol I have been going working on what have I learned so far. I have tried it in too many different environments and situations to no longer have doubts. It works because all women are the same; a woman has two minds: the subconscious and the conscious. The latter has her personality, her interests, dislikes, likes, etc. However, the former contains traits that can NEVER be changed which is her instinct, her emotional nature, and what ultimately attracts her as a woman. That is why PUA are successful: they know how to play and use a woman's emotions. You might hate it and be despised by it; hey, hate the game, not the players. Most woman are playettes themselves. The average female will not admit to it so it can be easier to rationalize her actions better.

As far as your "advice", one thing I definetly learned is that taking the advice of a woman about women is like a dog trying to tell me it doesn't bark: you are just telling me what you think is right. What you react completly different and it is not hard to know what.

A woman is amoral, I am sorry to say. It is in your nature. For that reason, I don't hate women: you girls are simply doing what is in your nature, that's all. If you think that is hateful, let me tell you that there isn't any hate in it. Again, I didn't write how we are programmed. Be it finding an attractive man, regardless of personality, to have sex with or finding a good man, regardless of attraction, to use his resources to provide an environment to support the upbringing of children (and the latter, evolutionary goal women have is made so much easier with marriage which is why marriage is so detrimental to men), it is best for men to educate themselves to not fall into any of this traps (unless he so much chooses to foolishly do so).

Unfortunetly that is what western society, namely America, has shaped their women to be: to be more than a women, thus, disrupting and decimating the socioeconomics of what a family used to be.

I have two more years left on my BS degree in Network and Communications management. With 3 years of savings, an MBA could be possible within 6 years (starting salary is as low as 55k to as high as 65k, depending on where you are at).

I made a sane choice in not being promiscuous. I value having a family together. With my degree, finding a job in the IT industry will be no problem (jobs requiring my degree are highly sought after). In order to have a family, I need a women that will be loyal to me (I do not want a robot or a maid). To be loyal, she must have the heart, intellect, and know why morals are so important in one's life (something eradicated in America). Basically, after finishing my degree, I will take excursions overseas to find a wife (without letting her know of my financial status until the last possible momment, of course).

We good guys do not finish last (only the desperate and needy do); we finish well.

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A female reader, Nime United States +, writes (20 February 2011):

Nime agony aunt@Jamen, the whole nature of your post still sounds like you feel you are 'owed' something by women. It really does sound like you feel you got screwed over because you came to realize your ideals about women were false. Everyone goes through this loss of ideals, Jamen; it's called 'growing up.' By angry with women, I don't mean you are sitting there actively fuming. But a statement like this: "Women, by nature, are amoral creatures so I can't hate something or someone for doing what they do" is a hateful and arrogantly dismissive generalization to make about more than half the human population just because you weren't 'getting any' and you found out that the institution of the wedding ring was advertisement propaganda by DeBeers jewelry co. I'd say most women do not know that the diamonds they lust after are being mined by child worker slaves, but that's a whole other topic.

What I also get from your post is that you hold some incorrect notions about what is attractive to all women based on your limited exposure to a certain type of woman. I'm bothered by your statement "As far as my body goes, I am very attractive (the face is decent)." Study after study has found that women are universally diverse and unpredictable (while men are fairly uniform) in what they find attractive in the opposite sex. You cannot feel entitled to female attention based on your assessment of your own looks. Regardless of your looks, I can tell you right now that you sound like a very unattractive person to be around by what you're writing here. Hopefully you are not as bitter as you sound.

I'm also concerned that you mention your luck at the "club scene, bar, library..." has skyrocketed; this is what I mean by your limited exposure to women. When you go to places with the sole purpose of picking up women, you're going to pick up women looking to be picked up. You're going to be picking up women with a void to fill. These women will be your female social circle and will form your impression of women; women who are hungry for attention and emotionally insecure. The girl with a full life, loving relationship with her parents, great work ethic, self awareness, intelligence and hobbies won't be waiting for you to pick her up at a library, mall, club, park or gym. She's not going to be waiting at all, because she's got no time for you right now. The guides you've been reading on how to pick up women are really guides on how to pick up women who are available to be picked up. These women are hungry for things from you: your attention now and eventually a ring, money, children, child support, your assets. Stay away from women who want things from you from the beginning and you have a shot at having a meaningful relationship and possibly marriage with a woman who gives, not just takes. Your best way to do this is to stop picking up women for the sake of picking up women. Get some hobbies that will introduce you to new social spheres and different types of women and you will see what a small and dirty pond yours was. I know it sounds lame, and your instinct is to disagree with me and say your horizons are already broad, but broaden your horizons anyway and try to keep an open mind. Meet women without any expectations or hope of a relationship, just on a common front of a shared hobby or interest. I think you'll find better success that way without selling out.

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A male reader, Jamen Somasu United States +, writes (20 February 2011):

Jamen Somasu is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Jamen Somasu agony aunt@ Nime

Maybe by your standards I am promiscouos (7 women since the age of 17 hardly counts for anything but whatever floats your boat). I guess being teased about my lack of luck with women everywhere I worked at (the Marines, UPS, a farm, etc) are just coincidences...

Anyway, I have only been overweight once in my life (last year and during a time I wasn't seeking anyone. Now, I am back to optimal shape). As far as my body goes, I am very attractive (the face is decent). My only major flaw was my obliviousness to people themselves, especially women (something that I have been making great progress at for the past two months). Yes, I was that "friend" and felt women 'owed" me something (something I now know is a mistake). Again, I am not that "nice guy" anymore.

Yes, this whole ordeal in knowledge started due to a breakthrough someone gave me about me, and it lead to studying how PUA do their thing. I became good after two weeks. However, I fully understand that the "how" is simply a means to go about it. Knowing the "why" is the true power to all things and that is where I got into male psychology, female psychology, the history of marriage, the current fraud that child support is, the sexual revolution, and so on. After learning all of that, my luck at the club scene, bar, library, etc. skyrocketed. However, I never slept with anyone of them out of pure principle (I just wanted to see how and why certain tecniques can be applied. They work like a charm). You say I hate women or, at least, I am a little angry at women? You are wrong. have a steak laying on a plate on the table. Your dog is also around and knows the steak is yours. If you keep minimal watch over it, the dog will not do anything to your steak. Turn around and leave the room for 5 seconds, 5 minutes, 5 hours, etc. and the steak will be gone. are some questions: can you blame the dog for doing what is in their nature? No. Can you trust a dog? No. Can you trust a dog to be a dog? Definetly. This same principel also applies to women 100%.

Women, by nature, are amoral creatures so I can't hate something or someone for doing what they do. At best, I can know the "how" and the "why" and avoid getting myself into a predicament later in life.

What I am as Just like you can't blame a dog for eating a steak the dog knew is yours, you can't blame women for doing what they are programmed to do. But because I fully understand how a woman's mind work, I can't bring myself to marry one now. Have kids, definetly! And even that has other options (artificial insemination).

But can anyone tell me that, knowing all of this, you would still go for it or am I being a fool?

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A female reader, Nime United States +, writes (20 February 2011):

Nime agony auntMost of my friends, male and female, including myself, are around your age and have only ever been with one or, less commonly, two people. By my standards you're pretty promiscuous, so don't feel TOO sorry for yourself. Maybe you are buying in too much to how the media depicts promiscuity and the lies guys tell you about how many women they've been with...

It sounds to me like you feel you got stung by women and have formed negative impressions of them. Maybe you were a chubby guy once, ditched the weight, got a life, whatever, and now have decided women 'owe' you for your efforts. Maybe you were always the 'friend' and again, you feel those women 'owed' you a date. Or maybe you were too nice and your girlfriends walked all over you, which maybe isn't fair, but women like a leader.

It also sounds like you got into a few online how-to-pick-up-women guides using dominant approaches, like Cocky & Funny, Alpha Male System, Art of Seduction, etc. Guides that told you to stop being a wuss and control the situation, be a puppet master, whatever they tell you.

I know guys like you. You're slightly angry at women, want things to change, but still cling to the ideals. This is a transitory period and my advice to you is to wait it out, because this is a phase of immaturity. Your views on everything will be changing quite a bit over the next year or so, just wait it out and try to chill out, focus on other things.

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A female reader, youngandrestless Canada +, writes (20 February 2011):

youngandrestless agony auntok, from a womens perspective you are being a selfish jerk. "only 7 women??" like thats a bad thing? and why exactly is it so wrong to hold out for a good woman, your only 24! if you wanna "let loose" and sleep with a bunch of bimbo's, be my guest but dont look for satisfaction there, you will end up alone, and old and used. my advice, hold out a bit longer there buddy, and instead of looking for just sex and gratification in a relationship, look for a partnership. im not saying you have to settle down right away, but you dont need to be a male slut either.

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