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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been with my boyfriend for over a year. He says he does love me and can be gentle and thoughtful. There is another side to him. He is in his thirties but can be 'one of the boys' when he is out, looking at other women, making comments and things. Many of his mates are single. He likes to drink and does so quite a lot. It is as if he can be mature one minute and pretty irresponsible the next! He wants to go out at Xmas for an all day, most of the night session with the lads. Occasionally I think he wants to be single but when I ask him, he says no. He enjoys watching movies that are really for younger people and becomes annoyed with me if I complain and say I don't want to watch young girls stripping off within the story.Should I be concerned about him?? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, harshbutfair  +, writes (22 December 2005):
 I think some of the answers here are unfair. Sounds to me there is a crucial thing that most people aren't picking up on. Your bf likes to have FUN. Is there anything wrong with that? Personally I don't think so. I'm not saying this guy is ideal but would you rather he was BORING? Love him or hate, stay or leave but if you stay with him but don't stop him having a laugh with his mates or he will hold it against you as long as you're with him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2005): i have the same problem with my bf but his in his late twenties, he likes to go out drinking and be with his mates and checks out other women, sometimes he even looks at other women when im around which i think is just plan rude, anyway he does everything the same as your guy does, but that was about 6 months ago, now i dont talk to him if he looks at other women or i have a go at him, the teen movies i do not watch with him and i have told him how worried i get when he goes out drinking so now he will call me every 4 hours or so just to let me know his ok and where he is, you just have to put your foot down and well if he does not take you serious and keeps acting like a child then find yourself a real man.
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female
reader, Virginiaac +, writes (21 December 2005):
You are really answering your own question - should you be concerned? You know you should be. If this guy won't grow up at his age, why should you stick with him? Dump him, get a guy who wants to be with you and not boozing with his mates.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2005): It is obvious that what his friends think of him is very important to him. He seems to be too concerned with impressing his friends, keeping them happy, being one of the lads rather than spending time with you and keeping you happy. It is obvious that he doesn't consider you as the number one priority. Are you prepared to be second best to his friends. Maybe you should talk to him, but It probably will not not make much of a difference. You need to consider whether you can tolerate and live with the way this man behaves.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2005):
You are saying you have been involved with a man for one year who has this other side to him. He's in his 30's, likes to be 'one of the boys', likes looking at other women, drinking, etc He can be mature one minute and irresponsible the next! Sounds like you are finding yourself unable to trust him..meanwhile he is encouraging you to commit to him. There's something wrong with this picture. There are responsible, "real men" and then there are the men who are "little boys" who never grow up. Being in love is wonderful, but eventually the challenging realities of life intervenes..such as marriage, children, mortgages, car payments and huge responsibilities. Do you think this man can give you a happy future? Your bf is not ready to extend his personal commitment to you-if he was, he'd seriously be curbing this behaviour. He'd be wanting to be with you and taking you out with him, to be with his friends. You should not accept anything less. You are a couple. He wants the benefits of the little woman at home tending to his needs, but loves the life of a single, carefree bachelor. Why are you tolerating this? It's all or nothing.
So...my honest opinion? I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw him. Face it, he in his 30's and if he isn’t fully committed to you now, when he is on his best behavior and trying to convince you of a future together, what makes you think he will be able to be dependable when you are both trying to build a future in a marriage..possibly a family. He's not going to change. You are walking into a future nightmare, hun. Evaluate what you want in partner and make informed choices. Be careful..because sometimes blind love is driven by desire and neediness that over rides sensible 'life mate' choices. Be careful..use your head.
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female
reader, Angel ron +, writes (21 December 2005):
 let him have some fun for gods sake do not worry about it. all men are the same they always look at other women. You just have to leanr to cope with it
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male
reader, Mr.Ed +, writes (21 December 2005):
 You should first tell us as readers your age and then we could assume that we could give advice. As for him he sounds normal but too much drinking would not be a good thing. Responsible men are for the most part. Irresponsible around friends DEFINATELY. Don't take it personal though, he might just need to have fun once in awhile. Assuming that your in your twenties I would have to say that you definately could run out and find yourself someone else but that becomes another story. If he's in his thirties then you may change him a little bit but not alot. He is what he is and he may be fine. He shouldn't be drunk, beligerent, abusive, hit you, condensending, nor pee on the lawn when he comes home. Outside of that he should be considered normal for his age. If this is really a problem then talk to him honestly and openly about it and if he doesn't want a relationship with you then agree that friends is what you need to be and that's all. Good luck. Ed
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