A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy on cruise that I was on. He worked on the cruise itself. If anyone knew that he was even speaking to me that much he would get fired immediately. Every night we would meet in secret and just talk / hang out. He was never disrespectful to me nor did he ever try to feel me up or have sex with me. We had kisses and hugs but that was it. He told me that he never met anyone like me and didnt want to loose me. With his job he works for 4mths then has 1 mth off - which means if we did become bf/gf it would be long distance and we would only see each other for a month every 4mths. He told me that when his current contract finishes (which will be in one month now) that he would come to my country to see me for his time off (he is from a diff part of Europe) or he offered for me to visit him in his country and meet his friends / family etc. Because I knew of the risk he was taking of loosing his job if he was even caught sitting/speaking to me and the fact he would invite me to meet his family etc - I mean, I believed him because I didnt think he would take such a gamble if he didnt mean it.Since I have been back he has emailed me a few times as well as call me. But the thing is, he works 14hr days and it costs him a fair amount to use the internet and make calls. So because of this I would only hear from him every 3dys or so. He still says he is wanting to come to see me and how he misses me and wants me to be his gf etc etc. Again, I didnt think a guy who would be playing games would spend all that effort and money for a girl he didnt genuinely like.But now he is taking longer to get back to me - sometimes a week passes and his messages are shorter. Before he would speak to me for like an hour online or on the phone. Like now the last email he sent was just a few sentences with him apologising for the delay after a whole week, saying he was busy and he cant wait to see me etc etc. I mean, I think I could handle the long distance thing cos in my own life I am so busy I may not have time for a bf if he lived here to see every day so it works out ok perhaps. But what I am not coping well with is hearing from him not as often as I would like. I am trying to be understanding but it is really hard. Especially now as doubts have started coming into my mind. People are saying to me that he prob meets lots of diff girls each week (which I am sure he most likely does) and maybe even see me as an easy option of some girl waiting for him to come home to every few months he can have fun with while he is off having his own fun while he is away.I am feeling very confused right now. It isnt even in my control because it is all down to him contacting me. In a normal situation I would not put up with a guy being part time in contacting me - but the fact is, he is in the middle of an ocean, doing 7dy weeks and 14hr days - when his shift finishes each day it is 1am my time, and I know it costs him alot to use the net / phone. But at the same time I need some more regular contact or else it is going to drive me mad. I just dont know what to do here or say or if I am going about this all wrong.It is also a situation of sink or swim. I mean, I do nto have the option of a normal relationship where you call regularly, have dates etc. I mean, we havent even had an actual date and then not see / properly speak for ages then the next time we see each other end up spending a few weeks together. I just dont want to get hurt of be played by this guy and get hurt. To me sex is also a big thing and it is only something I would do with someone who I loved and I felt loved me back so the idea of "casual fun" is not appealing to me to just go and "have fun" with him and see what happens.I wonder if anyone else has insider knowledge on these cruise things? Should I be worried about guys who work on these cruises? Are they playing lots of girls all of the time? I really thought he was genuine but now when I do nto hear from him as often as I would like I dont know now.... I dont know what to do. Help?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2010): Hey there!
Interesting situation. I must say I do respect your morals. Good for you on that. Now, you broke this down logically and it seems like an LDR would fit your life right now. However, what about the future? How could you guys ever make this work if it ever got to a serious level stage? For example, I never would have ever got involved with my GF from canada if I never would have considered moving there for the long term.
Im familiar with LDRs but with cruises Im not. Im sure he sees plenty of other girls however if he says your different and genuinely likes you, chances are he'd be loyal to you. I know I would. He may be tempted, yes. But, when some men think about women that they genuinely have an interest in, they hold back and believe me Ive been faced with unbelieveable temptations with women, yet I remained loyal. The reason why you dont hear from him is prob cause he's busy or he just cant contact you afer all he is at sea, traveling, and some times that makes it hard to communicate and is one of the def downsides of an LDR. Hope this helps.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2010): You posted this last week and got plenty of responses. I'm sure that by reposting it, you'll get much of the same. Best of luck to you.
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