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female
,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and I have been going out for a year. I'm 23 and he is 25. He has a history which I want to know but don't know if it's appropriate to ask. He had a kid when he was 18. He end up marrying the girl after the child was borned. I wanted to ask details about what actually happened in their relationship (6 yrs). I wanted to treat it as if I'm talking to a friend. The fact he's my boyfriend, I don't think it's appropriate to ask things things with his ex in details. Good thing is he does tell me if I ask. I know I'm the one he loves now. But should I be nosey about his past relationship or I should just leave it even I'm wondering sometimes?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, sjd +, writes (15 September 2006):
 I would leave it be. I know it will not satisfy your curiosity, but you may regret it later. I, like the person who first answered your question, am on her because of this same reason. I needed advice on how to make my ex get over my past. My ex asked me very intimate questions about my sexual past and being naive I answered them. I never in a million years thought it would do any harm, but after 3 years and a wonderful relationship...he could not get over the answers to his questions and broke up with me solely because he could not get over my sexual past (even though it was not as bad as his). It is often hard to accept the fact that the people we love have been with others and even though we are curious, finding out details may do more harm. If I were you, I would just let it be and to satisfy your curiosity craving, assure yourself that he is with you because he loves you. No one else matters, because even if he was with them, it did not work out...otherwise he wouldn't be with you. I wish my ex had never answered and just accepted I loved him for him. Please take my advice and do not put yourself through that!
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (13 September 2006):
 Be careful. Whilst your curiosity is very natural, you may find that hearing him describe intimate moments between him and his ex is a very painful thing to hear. Lots of people end up on this site (including myself) because we found out too much about our partners past sex lives and the images haunt us and are hard to shake. Even long marriages with children involved have broken down because of one person learning stuff they can't cope with.
So I'd recommend only asking if there is something specific you need to know. And I'd strongly recommend avoiding any discussions of their sex life or intimate behavior. It is really information this can hurt you more than help you.
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