A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Need help on this one. I have been married for 13 years our marriage has been one of ups and downs but mostly for the positive. We have one child, He is graduating this year.we got real comfortable in our marriage and forgot what was important. About 3 weeks ago I found a text message on my wifes phone that said thinking of you, name was under a different contact than it was, called the number guy answered. I confronted my wife and she said she is not doing anything wrong its just a friend from way back and he just got her cell number.she did it because she knew how I would act and she didn't want to hear about it, Now my wife is always home or at work nothing else doesn't go out or make excuses to disappear.I looked at the phone log and the calls started like she said but they have continued I told her I felt it was wrong and it bother me and please stop, it hasn't she just turns her phone off at night or all weekend. I really feel like our marriage is better today than it has been for years and years but today we talked again about it and I explained my fears she told me I was too sensitive, tonight I found a text from her to him that said goodmorning sweetheart hope you have a good day, I don't even get that after 13 years of marraige, well I confronted her with that and that's where the argument started she says she doesn't want her phone back and she is tired of hearing about it.she states she has explained it and she is way tired of being nice trying to stroke my ego and make me feel secure, I have always kind of been a jelous person but never had been to worried until now. Nothing in our marriage has changed really sex is better than its ever been, we had until tonight communicated better than ever but this just has a hold on me and can't get it out of my mind. There has been some deseption on this subject like deleting text and phone logs so I can't see and telling me when I do see her on the phone its someone else when its not. The other party is the aggresser in this there are way more calls incomeing from him like 3 to 4 dailey and don't know how many texts.my wife may have 1 or 2 outgoing a day. My wife is going to be 40 this year and says she is having a really hard time with it, I try to help her tell her she looks great, that I love her but she says I have to, I am her husband. I always remeber the old saying if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, then its probley a duck. Am I being over sensitive, or am I right to be concerned?
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female
reader, coacoa1 +, writes (9 August 2010):
What I think you should actually do is keep quite and act as if it's not a problem anymore. Eventually if something is going on she'll slip up and forget to delete text messages or phone calls. I would also try this, send him a text message as if you were her just to see his response. Some women know how to play the game and some don't, just keep your eyes open and remember not to jump down her throat for every text this will only make things worse. Good Luck!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2010): Me thinks she doth protest too much. Yea you've got a problem.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2010): The sex is better than it's ever been? HELLO! This is a sign that she's sleeping with the other guy, is hugely turned on by it (him) and is coming home horney to you.
I think the advice that you get her alone for a long second honeymoon is important. It will cause one of two things to happen - either she'll realize that she loves you and doesn't need this guy, or that's it's over and she needs to let you out of the marriage.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2010): a good hot second honeymoon is in order! quickly get out of the states! give her a reason to never talk to that man ever again. you are not being overly sensitive and it's your right to be jealous, your her husband! if you cant get out of the states, i suggest you go somewhere you two have never been before. you two need to get out and enjoy each other. be romantic. be sexy. make her feel like she's 20 again. make her feel beautiful not just by words. throw her cell phone into a river (not literally). be the real man!
it doesnt hurt even if the guy ends up being just a friend. :) cuz then she knows what your really made of ;)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2010): you have a right to be concerned. your wife is too defensive and she is probably making you think you are the bad guy for questioning her. look at this realistically. she is communicating with a man, investing in another man instead of her hb. she even has his name stored under a different contact. she is just trying to please you by telling you she doesn't want her cell anymore. don't be too surprised if she has a private one just for them both!.
turning 40 is a big deal for some. i think she enjoys the sexual banter, the sexual flirting and that she is also recipricating with him. she is lying and she is withholding some important info from you regarding the actual status of her relationship with this other man.
many many spouses believe that if their spouse is always at home , never late and have a seemingly good family life that their spouse isn't cheating. little do they know just what their spouses get up to.
your relationship is in trouble currently bec your wife is lying about her "relationship" with this other man. you have spoken to her and she just doesn't get it. i am afraid that you need to take a direct approach and call up this man and TELL him directly to stay away. friend or no friend you do not want them to have contact. yes your wife will be pissed and embarressed even, but who cares, if this drastic step needs to be taken to salvage your marriage, then go ahead. or even further tell your wife that you asked her to stop communicating with this man, she hasn't so kick her out of the family home. sometimes you need to be blatantly drastic in your approach. i don't know whther she has had any sexual contact with this man but saying "good morning sweetheat" to a mere friend is shocking to say the least.
whatever you do, remember this. so many spouses have said when their marriage breaks down, if only i did something about this when i first discovered the texts /phone calls. don't be a statistic. you won't be popular but you may still have your marriage. i also need to forwarn you , if your wife wants to feel desired at 40, she will be running around like a bitch on heat to get the attention. and sadly its the attention from this other man and not you.
don't know how this is going to go down but at least you can see the threat in your marriage. i frimly believe in being proactive and just eliminate any threats you discover. and believe me this realtionship she has with this other man is.
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