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Should I approach my brothers wife... she hates me?

Tagged as: Family, Health, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 December 2011) 7 Answers - (Newest, 30 December 2011)
A female South Africa age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Hi ok i live with my brother and his wife but i have this feeling that she doesn't like me,the first time we starting living together she acted as if she likes me but a week later she had a fight with my brother and she was like im the reason why things are not working between them and im evil.lt's a year now and yesturday she said im a witch and im bewitching her son,all the time i just don't say anything but i see its going too far and it really hurts,should i tell her how this affects me?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2011):

Go to your sister and stay with her and tell your brother that its unbearable for you to stay with someone that hates you

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2011):

So she was the one who suggested it? That changes things really in my view, she invited you so she shouldn't now be pushing you out. I think OU should ask your brother to arrange a time you can all sit down together. Perhaps cook a meal and just talk to her and understand her feelings and let her know that you have felt like she hates you. She will probably feel awful that you felt that way and hopefully will tell you she didn't mean to. It must be stressful for her to have a baby especially if it's her first so maybe she just needs some more support. I hope you have happiness it must be really hard to not have your parents any more. I had a bad time at your age and had no choice but to live with my partner and luckily we got a little house together but I do know how it feels to not have a proper home with mum and dad and it's sad. Fortunately I still have my mum and we get along well now but I didn't stay with family simply because I didn't want to intrude on their lives.

I hope you are able to stay there and things get better but if they don't at least you know you have it your best effort to talk to her and make the situation better. If she really is hard to live with perhaps you could go back to your sister? As you get a bit older perhaps 18, 19 then moving out alone will be easier. Best of luck xx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

l used to live with my sister and my brother was providing all the basic things so when he got married his wife suggested that i should live them inorder to for them save money

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2011):

If you can't move out on your own are there other family you could stay with? Perhaps aunts, uncles, grandparents? Another alternative is to live in at a college perhaps? I wanted to add but forgot on my first post that I don't think that his wife hates you but probably feels stressed out.

If you really have no where to go then try to sit down with your brother and his wife and have an adult discussion about how is they feel you could be of help around the home. You don't want to be somewhere and feel unhappy and I am sure that if they know you have no where else to go then you can all come to an agreement. If you show you can share responsibilities of the house like an adult she might be more bearable to live with x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Both my parents passed away,anyway thank you for advice,i will consinder moving out

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2011):

I think deep down she probably just wants to be a family with her husband and children.. I can understand her feeling like their relationship can't work as good while you are there, I couldn't cope if my boyfriends family came and lived with us! If it was for a few weeks, or couple of months at the very most, then fine but a whole year is taking advantage of their generosity.

Her accusations are odd but you can't make your brother choose between you or his wife, you really should look at finding a small place you can afford to move out to, or house share with friends, you don't mention your parents but if you could go back to them or aunts/uncles I think that would be better for you all. Give her some space to raise her family. Then you won't be around her to be getting hurt as you will have your own space and independence. You might see your relationship with her improve once you are not around her 24/7. Best of luck x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2011):

I think you should move out, should have along time ago..but yes confront her with how your feeling and have her explain why she is feeling like this....that is very strange tho!

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