A
female
age
36-40,
*linj
writes:Hi I'm 22 yrs old and I'm married I have two little boys. I'm not happy in my marriage, my husband has disappoint me a lot. We've bee together for 4 yrs and we jump into getting married. When I got pregnant with our first baby he said he would change and till this day he still the same. He always run out of his way for friends but when is about me or the kids he just doesn't do nothing. He has verbally abuse me, he called me names in front of our kids . He goes to the bar a lot and I can't deal with all of this anymore. I'm used to wait up till 3 am for him to get home. And sometimes I don't hear from him at all during the day. I don't want this for me or my kids. Its ok for him to go out but I can't have a night out. Two weeks ago I went out with my sister and girlfriends to a club and maybe it was the wrong thing to do because when I got home he accused me of cheating and kick me out of the house. He said that I would never see the kids again. He made me feel like I was pure garbage. Now I have made a decision I'm not putting up with him anymore but I feel bad. I don't want to hurt him or my kids. I know that if not happy he is not happy and our kids are not happy but he don't make it easier for me to go. He promised me he's gonna change but I have heard the same many times before and nothing was done about it. I don't know if I should follow my instinct or should I stay with him for our kids? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): Your situation sounds almost similar to mines except for the fact that my husband does not tell me what to do. What he does is try to intimidate me and sabotage my plans. I believe that your husband has some inner struggles or problems and that is how he handles them. He is also behaving like this because he does not want you to leave him. so he treatens and tries to keep you alone. He wants to be your world and rely on him instead of others. You are like his shiny, favorite toy and he does not want to share you with anyone. That does not mean that he does not love you. He is trying to hold on to you for dear life and has a bad way of showing it. He probably vows that what is happening to other couples won't happen to you guys, but then he needs help managing stress and problems.
You also need to build back up your self confidence, find hobbies and things that you can do while under his watchful eye and then encourage him to do things that will help him feel proud of himself and your family. sometimes the kids can put a strain on the family if they are not obedient or cooperative. That is life. Love is a decision and not sex. If you love your husband stay with him. The kids are going to grow up and have lives of their own. You and your kids need your family. If he beats you up and your lives are in danger that is another story and I do believe you want to live to take care of your kids and see the fruits of your labor.
Be happy my dear and always remember that nobody is perfect. Mr Right does not exist. You have to find fulfillment inside of you. Love yourself and your kids that your husband will become addicted to that love in the home. Love him. Don't curse. Please remain calm.
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