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male
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*ave123
writes: My girlfriend moved home to another country a few months back and obviously we haven't seen as much of each other. Recently things have gotten really bad for her. I wont go into details but suffice to say her life is falling appart. Today she said to me I'd be better off without her and I should leave her and she said she meant it. I'm pretty sure she just saying it because she thinks she's a failure and is really in a bad state. She wants me to be happy and thinks I can't be happy with her.I love her, I can't be without her, and I want to help in any way I can. How can I convince her that we should stay together and let me help her through this? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2006): You probably won't agree or like this advice, but it's my opinion so here goes.
You shouldn't have to convince her, nor anyone to be in a relationship. When people use the "You'd be happier without me" line they do not necessarily mean "Please tell me I'm worthy of your love and that you want to be with me"
If she wanted to be with you, she would say so, no matter what conclusions you can draw from her situation. She is the one in the different country, and she is the one who said she doesn't want to be with you.
I think you should take things at face value. Take people on what they say, and not to draw assumptions when you don't agree with what you hear. It is very common for women (especially) to say to a man "I'm not good enough to be with you" and for the man to understand it as "Please rescue me, I want to feel loved and needed".
For whatever reasons, she is not interested, or not ready to have a relationship with more. This together with her being unhappy ("her life is falling apart") would make for a bad relationship. If you want to pursue a relationship with her, she really does have to be encouraging it too and making it clear that a relationship is what she wants with you.
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female
reader, bumble bee +, writes (11 July 2006):
maybe you could send her a hand written letter saying how much you love her and want her in your life, tell her all the reasons why you love her and why you should stay together, this should make her see that it is worth it and that she does have some positive things in her life. my bf is in the army and we struggle so much, i have learnt that a letter that is written by hand means alot more than an e-mail or a phone call she can re read this letter every time she is down
i hope i helped xXx
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