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She wanted a long distance relationship, I didn't, now how can I comfort her without sending the wrong message?

Tagged as: Long distance<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (19 July 2008) 1 Answers - (Newest, 20 July 2008)
A male United Kingdom age 30-35, *ndy00 writes:

Hi,

There's a girl I know from Liverpool. Some months back we used to chat online. After a short time she began hinting that she was looking for a long distance relationship. Having already been in one myself, I was dead against it. She kept trying to persuade me, but to no avail. Not long after that she started sending me messages about how bad she was feelings, which made me feel guilty. After I made it clear that I didn't want a long distance relationship, everything stopped.

Just recently (this is about 4 or 5 months since messaging stopped), I've seen her mood status read things like (lets just call her "X") "X feels ill", "X needs somebody", "X doesn't want to be alone", ect ect. I will note that these notes are not directed at me personally, but as somebody who doesn't like seeing people get hurt, I decided to message her. It was a simple "Hello. How are you?" sort of message.

I know that might have been a little dangerous given she was trying to pursue a long distance relationship with me not so long ago, but I just didn't like seeing she was feeling bad. If we weren't so far apart, I would be interested in dating her. She's fun to talk to, and very attractive, but there's something quite evidently off-putting in her personality. This leads me to ask:

What can I say to comfort her? I know exactly how she feels. I hate being alone as well. I just don't hate it enough to put up with long distance circumstances. Can you help?

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A female reader, aphexinfinite United Kingdom +, writes (20 July 2008):

aphexinfinite agony auntyou cant help how you feel about long distance relationships, and if you dont want it then dont do it to make her happy you will proberly resent her for it in the future. you can ask how she is and if everything is ok say your a friend who has an ear if she needs it be supportive but let her know where she stands this way you have laid your cards out on the table and if she pushes it then you will have to deal with it or move on.. hope that helps aphex x

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