A
male
age
18-21,
Peterk5699
writes:Hi all. You may remember a few weeks ago I posted up about being fed up of being single. Well now I'm not - I'm in a long distance relationship with someone who is *Exactly* (Apart from the obvious) the same as me - same interests, same music taste etc. We seem to connect with everything we say to each other.Anyways, back on subject:My now girlfriend keeps saying stuff like "I'm ugly" and "Chubby" and a few other things. Whenever she says stuff like that I try telling her she's not ugly she's "B-e-a-utiful" which is exactly what I think about her. Te thing is this: I really don't like her thinking of herself like that. I can't explain the feeling it gives me but it's not a good one.So I'm asking: How can I make her stop feeling this way? Thanks,Pete =]
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male
reader, Peterk5699 + ♥, writes (7 August 2007):
Peterk5699 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for both your answers. They've been a help. I've told myself that if I'll ever do long distance it won't just be text it'll be meet-ups and phone calls (she has a great voice also). We're planning to meet on our 1 month anniversary and hopefully spend the w/end together just having fun. TBH I don't care at all about any sex, I'm not like that, I don't even like people who are there for the sex only.
All I really wanna do is spend time with her and have some fun while doing it.
To me, looks don't matter it's the personality that's better and she has a great personality and can really keep a conversation going. She's obeyed to the teenage users of the internet rule - Angular photos only but she has sent me one of her non angulars and she isn't at all chubby or ugly.
And I forgot to mention that I was at Download (formerly monsters of rock) and when the camera's were going round the audience and girls were flashing (but that's part of the fun of Download), she did it but when I saw her (face, not boobs) I thought to myself "WOW! Shame I won't be seeing her again." then 7 weeks later we're going out together. I found out it was her when I asked if she did flash. I was just being my cheeky self and that's how I found out it was her.
Thanks for all your help.
A
male
reader, laki_topalovic  +, writes (7 August 2007):
 As I understand this is a long distance relationship, not an online relationship, so you saw this girl and you know how she looks. The great thing is that you've crossed the magic line where the looks are no longer important in a relationship. She is beautiful in your eyes and of course she is not so "fat" and "ugly" as she thinks...You know, I will probably get criticized for this, but all women are a little obsessed by their looks. The more beautifull they are, the less they are satisfied with their looks. Men are no exeption in that either. Did you know that famous people spend large amount of their time and money making themselves "more beautiful". That prooves us that nobody can be "trully beautiful", the beauty is our idealized image of someone that we like or love.That's the kind of things you should say to the girl, she shouldn't be obsessed because she is in a relationship where the true human values are important. I'm not saying looks are not important, but only for the initial attraction, later it's all about compatibility which you two guys have. So good luck!!!!
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A
female
reader, Irish49  + ♥, writes (7 August 2007):
 Pete, you sound like a real great guy! You do what so many people don't....you see inside the person for who they truely are. And you are astute about another thing. She sounds like she lacks the confidence in herself. But don't make over hasty judgements. She could have been hurt in a past relationship and is relunctant. Maybe find out why she feels this way. Talking and communicating nicely, will help her to trust' If you have seen her, do keep telling her that you like her for her character, her charm and the true essence she gives off. If you can't still convince, tell her to take the chance and meet you in real life. Do this asap. Online relationships are okay but just for opening the door and introducing oneself to someone. Make plans to meet her, in the real world. If she can get over the fearful hump of meeting you for the first time, and the meeting goes well and she is comfortable with you, she will relax and know you are the 'real deal'. Just be patient with her and realize this relationship will not progress unless you both make the effort to actually meet. If she doesn't want to meet, then do let her know it should be soon, just so she knows that you don't want to keep this a "going no-where, online relationship. There is a purpose to meeting and dating someone..it's to find happiness and to build a loving relationship with another. You can't do that if you don't meet.
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